Bound By Purpose

It Will Rain

May 23rd, 1941

I twiddle with the necklace around my neck as I look out the front window waiting for our guests. It's been raining all day matching my mood. I don't have bad news to share but it's news nonetheless. I'd been grappling with my decision for a few weeks now but following the growth of the Axis power and their occupation of Yugoslavia I've found my answer. I'm to join up with my father's division within the S.S.R. and he's the only one who knows of it. 

Tonight Bucky and his family as well as Steve will be joining us for a dinner in celebration of Bucky ending his basic training. He would be coming home and I would be leaving. I still wasn't sure if this was the right decision but with the war raging on it's only a matter of time before the United States is dragged in. I want to be ready. 

I know that if I stay here and continue to stare out at the rain I'll worry myself to death so I resort to pacing the living room. It's several minutes before I notice my father standing at the doorway. It gives me a start. "Gosh Dad." I go to sit down again trying to regain composure. "You could've said something."

"You're still planning on telling everyone tonight?" He asks. I look down trying to hide any lie, but I give up.

"I'm not so sure now." I say again fiddling with my necklace. "I feel like it's a private conversation I need to have with Mom and then Bucky and then everyone else." 

"It won't make a difference." 

"Yes it will Dad." I say under my breath. He doesn't get the chance to get another word in because there's a knock at the door. My heart thumps but then I rationalize the situation and realize I don't have to say anything until I am absolutely ready to.

When the knock on the door comes, I smooth my dress. Upon opening it I'm greeted by a smiling Barnes family. My mother meets me at the door to hug Mrs. Barnes and invite them all in, obviously not trusting me to greet our guests to her standards. I'm moved away from the door by the group of people flooding through, but Bucky peels away to stand with me. Steve meets me with a handshake and a hug before the three of us follow the others into the dining room.

The meal begins harmless enough. We swap small talk and funny stories. The respectful nature of the conversation lasts all the way through the appetizers and the main course, but as we start to push away our dishes it takes a turn. 

The conversation turns from the formalities to the inevitable subject of the war. I stop chewing my food and put my fork down trying to figure out how to handle the abrupt change by my father. Bucky notices something's wrong, I can feel his eyes on me. "I'm shipping out for the Pacific... in a few weeks." I look up. A knowledge bomb. I'd known he was going back to work but not that he would be going that far away. He looks at me and I shake my head lightly pleading him not to say anything else.

"Evelyn?" Bucky asks. I don't answer him because my dad does for me.

"Eve's been accepted into the SSR. She's going upstate for her basic training..." The rest of his explanation is a blur. I glance up and see a rather shocked face from James. He looks hurt. I look to my mother who is also shocked and on the verge of tears. I look at little Rebecca and the Barnes parents who look as if they've impeded on a personal matter. Finally I look to Steve  who is blank. 

"When were you going to tell us?" The question comes from Bucky. He's made no move to touch me, in fact he's scooted away from me a good distance. At a loss for words I look from my father to my friends and when I can't find the explanation fight or flight takes over. Needing to be free of the bombardment of questions and self abuse I throw my chair back and run quickly from the room. I hear my name called behind me, from whom I don't know. I fly down the hallway and out the front door into the pouring rain. I move quickly down the steps and out onto the street. Just wanting to get away I turn left and sprint.