The four lettered word (LOVE)

chapter 11

Yesterday’s incidents have taken a toll on me. I had gone to bed right after dinner but I couldn’t sleep not because my mind was filled with memories of Haasini. Well not totally. To be honest, I was actually doubtful about my emotions. When I saw my diary in Nithya’s hands, I was startled at first. I haven’t taken a look at it in a long time. It contained so many memories. After I realized I could never have Hasini in my life, I had hid it somewhere I could never find. Seeing her face and reading those pages in my diary, filled with my love for her,  would only stir my pent up emotions and leave me with a tear streaked face and an aching heart. Or that’s what I thought. But when I skimmed through my diary yesterday, I was…. confused. The heart wrenching pain and agony I expected never came. Sure I missed her and the memories played in my head like a movie. But that’s all they were…. a memory.

Have I really gotten over her? For years I have wanted to force her out of my head and now when I have finally done it, it hasn’t rendered me the peace I have expected. To be honest, it has left me further confused and I have no idea why.

And then there was Nithya when she looked at me with those coal black eyes of hers swirling in a pool of emotions that I could never clearly decipher, I had a sudden urge to empty my heart to her. And that part worried me the most because I have never attempted to talk about Hasini with any of my friends, not even Jenny.

Thinking about all those things was doing nothing but giving me a severe headache. I reluctantly pushed those thoughts away and willed myself to sleep. I have no idea when I fell asleep last night or even slept at all. Now even at 6.00am I was desperately trying to get at least one more hour of good sleep, but failing miserably. Frustrated, I threw my blanket away and started towards the bathroom to shower.

A sleepless night and three cups of coffee is never going to help you in a busy day at work. I was sitting in my cabin in my office and my head was still pounding like crazy. I could not say if I was fully awake or totally exhausted. I was trying to stay awake and concentrate in my work when my phone rang intensifying my headache further.

I brought the phone to my ears only to move it away the next second, to get away from Jenny’s ear-piercing cry.

“Ash! I did it!” she shouted loud enough to shatter some glass windows if she was near one. Besides it did nothing to lessen my headache. On the contrary it only worsened. However it didn’t make me miss the happiness in her voice.

“Well that’s great Jenny! Congrats!” I said though I had no idea what I am congratulating her for. “What’s the great news?” I asked.

“Of course you would have forgot”, she said with enough sarcasm. “How could you remember me talking to you everyday about my dreams or working day and night for the past few months to make it a reality? How could you keep in mind silly things like that, huh?” I could practically feel her rolling her eyes right now.

That’s when I remembered what she was talking about. She was hoping to open another branch of her restaurant in Madurai, the temple city. I never really understood her intention to open her restaurant in Madurai. People mostly migrated to Chennai to get jobs that could earn them more money. But Jenny, even after owning a restaurant in Chennai, a famous and successful one at that too, still wanted to open another in Madurai. When I asked her why she was so persistent in branching “Just Right” in Madurai, she always replied something about bringing back traditional Indian food, which had been forgotten, with a modern twist. Though I partly believed that, I was never fully convinced it was the real reason. Given Madurai was our hometown and we grew up there and thinking about the hell of an adolescent period we have been through, I was pretty sure she had more reasons than she was letting on. My mind was coming up with so many reasons but before I could get myself engulfed by those memories another shrill cry from Jenny brought me back to the present.