journey to the stars.

chapter 5 - back to black.

turning tables - adele

skylar.

to be in love... what does it mean? at fourteen, i've never experienced the fall or remotely ever believed that i've caught feelings for another person. my only model of love was my parents who seemed to have an unbreakable relationship to myself, even though my dad says the magic is in letting my mom believe she's always right. love had to be a feeling deeper than content. it had to be more, be kind of ethereal.

i craved this kind of love. the love portrayed on movie screens, the love i witnessed mason and scarlett develop, the love of a twenty-one year old marriage. when would it be my turn to find the perfect boy for me? i feared at this rate that nobody would ever fall in love with me. i'd be unlovable, how frightening.

it was as i stared at mckenna making out with grayson woods from across the hall that i wondered these things. i knew i shouldn't be looking at her of all people, but my eyes were drawn in at their lips. sigh, there were so many things i could say about grayson woods. the most important being that someone like grayson woods would never be into a girl like me.

andrew made me fear that i was worth nothing. no boy could fall in love with someone so useless. grayson was among one of the most attractive boys in our year, a title that mason once held when he was here. it was around two years later that he and scarlett fell in love though. my skin crawled thinking that mckenna was filling her role. mckenna was nothing like scarlett. she was evil.

i knew my time was ticking as i continued to gaze at them like a lost deer in the headlights. it wasn't them i cared for, but the idea of love i was infatuated with. mckenna pulled away from his body and scanned over the hallway, eventually placing her focus on me. the smile on her face pulled into a thin one. she grabbed grayson's face, planting one final kiss on his lips to show off her boy.

she approached me with a pretentious strut and i wished so badly that i had the self control to pull myself away from the confidence she radiated. she caught me wrapped up in her presence,

"little slut, hasn't anyone ever told you that staring is rude?" she cocked.

something grasped my attention back to reality and i blinked a few times to regain awareness of my surroundings. i cowered into my locker, "my-y bad mckenna."

she looked me up and down for a moment before getting extremely close to my face and barked, "yeah, your bad."

she stood back tall, "you're lucky grayson put me in good mood this morning or you would've gotten more than just a warning. scramble and hope for your sake that you don't cross my path again."

i took the nonviolent reminder gratefully and escaped from under her hold to find my way to my first class. another day of obeying and hiding in fear, this is what everyday is like. i find myself having to be on edge constantly to protect myself and thomas wonders why i can never relax. my life is a series of attempting to jump over constant hurdles, from andrew's wrath to mckenna's. i could never get a break from this hate.

i took my seat in the back of room where i felt most comfortable. maybe one day i'd blend into the wall and people would stop noticing me entirely. if i disappeared, then i'd finally feel at peace, where no one could hurt me.

the day drags on forever when i'm at school. the clock's hands ticked so slowly, making each hour that passed seem like an eternity ago. finally lunch came around and i couldn't help but feel relieved at the break from class. i found myself a nice little spot on a bench outside secluded from the rest of the kids inside the cafe. my moment of stillness had to be interrupted by a text from thomas.