Chapter 11- Fallen

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I woke up, the world around me merely fading back into existence. It was just another day.

Due to weather conditions, the Kiryu concert that was supposed to be in the same town as the circus had to be cancelled. Well, the circus had only been postponed to a later date. I wouldn't be seeing the band for another month, probably.

I tuned on my phone. 4am. My partner's phone went off, but he didn't wake up. I decided against waking him up, instead going to wash up and change first.

Upon exiting the bathroom, I could hear the buzzing of the manager lecturing my partner on oversleeping. He was still half asleep, hair messy, and didn't seem to be paying attention. I turned away, beginning to pack my stuff up. We had to move into the hotel, and I just wanted to be alone for the day.

Dragging my luggage out, another backpack over my shoulders, I followed another group of the circus to check into the hotel. I didn't bother coming down after that for breakfast, or lunch. I simply fished a bag if chips from my bag and ate it for both meals. The manager had to drag me out for dinner, demanding I grab seconds as well.

I stuffed what I could down, only to throw most of it up, rushing slightly to the washroom once I had entered the hotel room. I spent my time opening fan mail, just a pile of letters with ink. Some had drawings on them, extremely detailed, and super impressive, yet my eyes couldn't take in their beauty.

I flipped on my laptop, munching on more chips while researching past performances. I could spot all my mistakes. Wrong form. Horrible angle. Incredulously terrible dives.

My phone buzzed, interrupting my concentration. I already knew who it was before picking it up, not bothering to look at the name.

"Hey Miki. "

"[Y/N], are you alright? You seem a little off today. "

My voice was hoarse. I hadn't drunk a sip of water the entire day. Mitsuki could tell.

"Doesn't matter. What's up?"

"Just wanted to check up on you. Just know that I have some connections to people in your circus group. They say you're not being you. You're not eating up, not talking to people, and not drinking up. "

"Yes, because you need to care, don't you?"

"I'm just trying to look out for a friend. If you have any thing you want to say, or ask, just know I'll be here. "

"Mhmm, thanks old pal. "

"old?--"

I hung up. I knew he was worried. But I couldn't bring myself to care. The shock came when I received another text.

From Mahiro.

I opened the messenger app, to see he had deleted his message. Then he went offline. What a waste of time.

There was a whole chain of messages from friends in the circus crew, and after replying or just reading, I fell asleep. Tomorrow would just be another day again.

~[Mahiro's POV]~

I don't know whether or not to be happy that that show was cancelled. I really want to see her, but at the same time, I don't know how to face her. My head was spinning slightly, and I shakily poured myself a glass of water, taking great caution as I brought it to my lips and took a huge gulp.

I felt sick to my stomach, and almost regretted the decision to drink last night. I headed out to the breakfast buffet downstairs, avoiding eye contact with Mitsuki. I grabbed a croissant and some tea, settling down beside Hiyori.

"I heard you ingested more than half a bottle of wine last night. You alright?"

I nodded, taking a bite of the croissant. It wasn't soft and flaky, but incredibly dense and hard. Well, food was food. The bubblegum pink haired bassist shoved some of his pancakes onto my plate, demanding I have more to eat. I wasn't complaining, the croissant was like concrete compared to the bubbly, light texture of the pancakes.

I finished breakfast, managing to engage in some conversation. There was still a bitter aftertaste of the wine at the back of my throat even after breakfast. The tea seemed to soothe that.

There was talk about the change in plans. We would be heading straight to the next location, not stopping at the town of the cancelled show. We were to check out tomorrow instead of today, all expenses covered, and had a whole day off. Thank goodness.

Everyone was dismissed, and I headed back to the hotel room. I rested up before trying to write lyrics for another song. The pen seemed to drag itself along the paper, and as it had finished writing the lyrics of the chorus, a knock came on the door, followed by Takemasa asking me to accompany him to try a restaurant nearby for lunch and a new YouTube video. I obliged, not knowing what else to do.

Turns out the restaurant wasn't too bad, and we ended up having everyone come over to try for dinner too. We travelled back to the hotel in one whole group, with everyone full and satisfied.

I thought I could turn in for the night, but before I could turn the handle, Mitsuki dragged me aside.

"What now?"

" [Y/N] hasn't been acting like herself already. Her friends say she didn't eat breakfast or lunch, and didn't manage to stomach her dinner. She hasn't been hydrating herself, her voice is hoarse and hollow. You're honestly causing her to suffer quite a bit. "

Her actions pained my heart, and I was shocked.

" She can deal with her problems, she's a strong person. I have confidence she'll make it past this stage. "

To me, the words I had just uttered were completely untrue. Yet I had said them with such certainty, I was appalled at my own response.

"Did you think about it yesterday?"

"There was nothing to think about. I'm sorry Mitsuki, but I'm afraid you're fighting for a lost cause. "

With that, I hurried into my room, leaving him hanging outside. I had no idea what I was saying. Out of concern, I texted [Y/N] to check on her, see if she was alright. But I deleted the sent message immediately after. Her response wouldn't be favorable. She was clearly not going to be happy about this.

I switched my phone off, setting it aside.

It wasn't time to face her. I wasn't ready. But then, perhaps, there would never be a right time to face her.

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