When Ground Met Sky

It's Ok To Feel Things

I walked towards her, before I reached the couch she noticed me and jumped back slightly. Her surprise quickly changed to a sheepish smile. I reached for her sketch pad but she pulled it away and put it behind her back.

"Clarke..."

"Lexa..."

"Let me see it Clarke, now."

"Is that an order from the big bad Commander?"

"Yes. Hand it over." 

"No."

The defiance was sparkling in her eyes, she was proud of herself. She smiled smugly and tucked her sketch book into the couch behind her.

"Clarke."

"Make me."

I'm the commander of the 12 clans of course I could make her. What was she thinking? With one word I could have 5 guards in here, Clarke restrained and a sketch book in my hand.

I met her eye contact, that's not what she meant by "make me." She was biting her lip and playing with the buttons on her shirt.

I considered calling guards in just to take her off guard and get the sketch book but decided against it, I could do this myself.

I walked forward and sat on the couch next to her, our thighs brushing against each other. I reached across her to grab the sketch book but she caught my arm and my hand landed on her upper thigh.

I looked up at her and to my surprise her cheeks were flushed red. I took that moment to my advantage and grabbed the sketch book quickly, leaning over her completely so she couldn't moved

I flipped through the pages and to my astonishment every page had a picture of me. I went to the very first drawing in the sketch book, it was from when we had first met. She had drawn me pushing her up against the tree after she shot the deer. I flipped to the next page, it was me sitting in my throne at TonDC. The night she had begged me to save her people and form an alliance. I kept flipping through the pages until I came upon the one she was working on when I walked in.

Clarke was still struggling underneath me but had given up for the most part. I stared at the page for longer than I needed to. In pencil was a picture of me from the night before, my mouth hung open and eyes squeezed shut.  I looked at Clarke, confused.

"You're so beautiful when we fuck."

I stared at her blankly unable to come up with any words.

"The way your features tighten in ecstasy right before you orgasm, it's so perfect. I had to draw it."

I looked back down at the page, my eyes falling on a sketch in the bottom corner.

"What's this?"

"That's you silly, I'm not done yet. Your body is beautiful, I can't help but stare. It's always stuck in my head so I drew it."

I looked up from the drawing then, making eye contact with Clarke. In that moment I felt myself unravel from my tightly wound stature. I felt all of the emotions from earlier wash over me at once. I felt each piece fall as I broke into a million pieces right then.

I reached for Clarke and pulled her into me. Burying my face into the crook of her neck, I felt a tear slip down my cheek. Her hands found my back and rubbed gentle circles as I fell apart in her arms.

"Lexa, you don't have to play that role with me. It's okay to be scared and helpless. You don't have to be the commander of the 12 clans with me, you can just be Lexa. I want Lexa not Heda."

I sat up on the couch and started into her beautiful blue eyes, they were full of concern. She reached forward and wiped tears from my cheeks. I grabbed her wrist and leaned into her hand, finding comfort in her touch.

"It's okay to feel things Lexa."

"I'm strong Clarke. Heda is a ruthless warrior."

"I know Lexa, I know. But your feeling scare you."

"I was trained to think with my head and not my heart, but my heart rules my head. I'm weak."

"Life is about more than just surviving, don't we deserve better than that."

"Maybe we do."

I leaned forward and connected our lips in a passionate kiss. I went to pull Clarke into me but she backed away.

"You come here." She leaned back on the couch and opened her arms, beckoning me to let her hold me. No one had held me since after Costia's death. "Come on."

I leaned into Clarke and she wrapped her arms around me, my head on her chest and our legs tangled together. It felt good to be the one being held for once, it was safe and comforting. I nuzzled my head into the fabric of her shirt and took in her smell.

Clarke's hand played with my braids while the other stretched across my body to my waist, providing a comforting warmth.

"This is the big bad commander I want."