hanahaki disease {skz - changlix}

(e)ven if one day, you no longer want to st(a)y

༄ a year and a half after changbin's flight to us

i wasn't dreaming,,, the pain got worse as days go by. it wasn't that tolerable even at first, but now, i can't even go outside so it restricted me from going to my classes, i can't even tell a person about this . it was my routine to throw up petals everyday now, day by day the number of petals increased. i'm not scared for me, i'm scared for those who, perhaps, care for me... but maybe i'm afraid of losing my life too hh

"changbin..." i whispered as i fell with the pain. i fainted, it was too much.

the moment i felt i can carry my body i stood up, i cannot handle the pain anymore. i went to the internet to search up what the hell is happening to me. i was scared but then i needed to know.

hana, flower? hakimasu, throw up?

"hanahaki disease?" i read outloud.

a disease in which the victim coughs up flower petals when they suffer from . It ends when the beloved returns their feelings or when the victim dies.

i stopped reading and covered my mouth, i couldn't see other words than "die". my mind went blank, i felt life puking again .

i did my best to stand up but my knees were too weak to do so, i was so confident about chnagbin and my situation i didn't even care. i hugged my knees, crying everything out. i'm so fucking dumb to let my pride get in the way and just wait for him,,  i closed my eyes and dealt with the pain...i fell asleep.

the next day

i booked a ticket with all my savings, i suddenlt realised, what if changbin was in trouble for God knows what. i searched every news for him but he wasn't there.

the day of the flight came and i brought not so much things with me, hoping,,, i won't stay there for that long. hoping,,, he was alive. the flight was long so i decided to mingle with my phone for a while, looking at photos of me and changbin when he was still here in korea.

i scrolled and see this picture, i smiled. i can remember everything, that was our first date...

"take this." he took off his gloves and grabbed his heat pack from his pockets.

"you'll get cold!" i rejected his offer and pushed his hands away, but he grabbed me by the wrists and placed the gloves himself. i was silent the whole time and just stared at him, amazed.

"some people are worth freezing for." i wheezed, that line was from frozen, he just changed the words, istg this guy. i grinned at him and he gave his softest smile in return. i wished we would stay like this forever. i held his hands and warmed them, that's all i could do in return.

he hugged me tight as we admire the city, imagine how cold it was but changbin managed it for me, it was negative outside but he still insisted that we should go out since it was our first year. i love him, so much, i wished... i hope it would stay like this forever.

i glimpsed at changbin while he was looking at the view outside, he was perfect. at that time i promised myself he will be the only one i will ever ever love.

i smiled and forgot every pain i was feeling a while ago, i hugged my phone, i miss him so damn much and if could just see him,,, alive, i will find a way to get better and heal whatever this is for him.

i fell asleep for the rest of the flight, tired, of basically everything.

༄ arrived, 9:56 am

i backread our texts and searched for the place his work was and were he was staying. it's currently quarter to 10 so i have a lot of time since his place wasn't that far from the airport anyways, i could just take a taxi. his work starts at 1 pm and with the light luggage i was carrying, i'm sure i'll get there on time.

༄ his place 11:22

my heart started beating faster once i got off the taxi, then the rain started to pour so i quickly took my bags out then walked...

i placed my worries aside. i smiled, trying my hardest to look fine even tho i wasn't. i enter the building, looking around for the main lobby, the place was big, it even has its own cafe inside.

my steps were unsure and little,i was shaking and scared but no turning backs now, i payed for this and bitch spent dollars. the place was full of busy people. how the hell will i find him here

while my eyes were wandering around the place, i saw someone... very familiar.

i smiled,,,

he's not dead, i know it. as i walk closer to him, i remembered everything about him, i knew i was the happiest at that moment, i pick up my pace... i love this guy, he loves me too...

but my sudden happiness vanished that exact moment, when i saw him with someone else, maybe i wasn't the happiest at that time? they were... my brain automatically went blank like it was on temporary shut down. i stood there like a statue as our eyes met... i did not know what to do, i ran, even tho i can't feel anything i ran. i can't feel my legs anymore, i felt like passing out. i gout out and i can't even hear or see anything that well, everything was spinning and it was worse since the rain was pouring so hard...i looked around but then i saw car lights approaching me....

it's about to hit me, i felt senseless. it was fast but everything seemed to be going slow-mo.

i couldn't move, a tear dropped,

i closed my eyes, another tear.

"FELIX!" i turned my head with the sound of changbin calling my name, even though i couldn't see him well i can see someone running after me, i smiled to him.

"I love you..." I whispered, and everything went black.