Bleak Hill

CH X "A brother may not be a friend;"

Beth's legs were entangled on me, we were both naked and I kept thinking that I really do not want to be here. Luke materialized in front of us and started punching me so hard that I was spitting blood. He then said "I expected this from you, you can do nothing right, you destroy everybody. You're just like you're father." I wanted to say that he didn't even know my father, and how dare he compare me to him, but I knew what I did was wrong, and I had no excuse nor idea why I did what I did. I then returned home where Elle started yelling at me, saying she is completely disappointed in me and how could I possible do something like that. 

"It was just a girl, Elle. It was just Beth. I don't know why I did it."

She then stared at me blankly and said that it is not the reason she is disappointed.

"What is it then, Elle? What did I possibly do now?"

"You left me to die."

She then smiled the creepiest of smiles and started laughing, her laugh echoing as a soulless scream. I closed my eyes and an impossible pain bent me in half, sort of like being kicked in the groin. I stopped breathing and felt thankful for that pain, because I couldn't think of what I would feel otherwise, which I am sure would be worse. But the pain was growing and I started yelling. I yelled so hard, it woke me up.

I was sweaty and my throat was aching. It was still dark outside. I did not even debate going back to sleep. I didn't want to. I was craving my alcohol haze and my Gregory nightmares badly. They seemed so lightand easy, the prize of the terrible hangovers seemed worth to pay.  I dragged myself to the toilet and took a shower. 

I hated looking in the mirror these days. I saw someone I could not quite recognize. It's not that I was bad to look at, ever since I was a kid people gave me all kinds of shallow compliments, which later proved to be true. But I seemed so tired and so weak. Only my light brown hair hadn't lost their fluffiness. Under my green eyes which I inherited from my father, and which apparently my mum had once fell in love with, were now deep dark circles. I vengefully brushed my teeth, feeling as it would help deal with my anger. I stared at myself once more. I never felt bad about being who I am. Maybe I seemed childish and shallow, but I always thought I make the best choices, I was a decent person, I fought for what was right. I rinsed my mouth and went to make coffee.

"Feel any better?"Rafael was waiting his turn to the toilet.

"Go back to sleep."

"After all that screaming? Bet you it's gonna be hard."

I felt ashamed. I ruffled my hair, "Yeah, um, sorry about that."

"No, no it's good actually. That way we'll both drink some coffee and get going."

"I think I told you..."

"I think you're not that dumb, and you knew there would be no way you'd go alone." I couldn't argue with Rafael. We silently drunk our coffee.

"I know I was an asshole yesterday. I'm sorry."

"Yeah well, I'm sorry I wasn't there to talk some sense into you."

I took another sip of coffee.

"Rafael?"

He looked at me carefully.

"Do you ever get nightmares after we saw Elle?"

He turned his gaze to his cup.

"They're usually about these three hooded figures we saw. Or about people levitating in mid air. Just like Elle did. Sometimes I'm not even sure if it's just dreams or I don't know... flashbacks. Like I'm not sure if it's happening when I am fully asleep."

" You know I sometimes try to convince myself we didn't really see that. It feels so unreal."

"It is unreal. Things like that don't happen."

"Does anyone remember anything about them? About the three of them?"

"It was really dark. You couldn't really see much."

"I remember they wore white."

I started rhythmically tapping my thumb on the coffee table. It felt so odd to talk about that night and what happened.

"You know Daniel," he said carefully, as if scared of my reaction, "the night you got dragged to the police station, when all of us stayed here, Lily said she saw a symbol."

"A symbol?"

"Yeah, a weird symbol on their white coats."

"What kind of symbol?"

"She wasn't completely sure about it, but before Elle was... you know... breaking the laws of gravity, she noticed them. She said she'll try to look into it."

"Has she found anything?" My heart was beating fast. These were brand new information. I hadn't paid much attention to the coats of the figures. Not even close. I almost didn't notice the figures. It was like I was blind to anything else, except for the unconscious Elle and her bloody sweater.

"Not really. Yesterday she said she found some books on cult symbols, but no luck yet."

"I was pretty mean to her, wasn't I?"

"She didn't say much about that. She just said to make sure you don't grab any liquor. I guessed the rest." Rafael smiled sarcastically. 

"She's something, isn't she?" I said to Rafael, thinking of how I have been treating Lily lately.

"Yeah, she can be...understanding."

"She's just kind you know. She always was."

I started thinking of Rafael and Lily together. They were the best people I knew. I knew they would be good together. But we had never discussed anything like that. I tried reaching back in memory to see what were they like before everything got screwed up, but could come up with nothing. "You know... If the situation was different I would ask you how come you and Lily talk so frequently."

"Well... If the situation was different I would tell you that I think she's cool. I always trusted your taste in people. I mean Luke seems like a rushed choice but what can I say... I guess there are not a lot of Rafaels wandering this earth."

I genuinely laughed with him and felt like these, are the moments that keep me from breaking.
"What's going on with Diana, that barwoman you were seeing?"

"If the situation was different I could maybe consider sleeping with her again. But it's not." 

I smiled sadly and we finished the rest of the coffee in silence.