Waiting For Stars

Chapter Twenty-One

I think imma start putting the quotes up top guise. Oh and do you actually like the quotes and shiz?

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Hey Mommy,

Yup, that's right. It's me again mom. I wanted to tell you how I'm doing because I figure you want to know. I'm living with daddy again and today we're going to the museum tomorrow. He's trying to be there for me, you know?

I plan on going to college, or university. I'm going to apply to a couple near Manhattan. Funny right? It's already time for me to be starting life as an adult. I'll even be eighteen next month mommy and I'm sort of scared. I m not ready to grow up but I guess if I have to, I will.

Have I told you about Scott yet? Probably, I talk about him a whole lot. He's special to me. He's difficult yet such a sweetheart and I want to be with him. I don't think he wants to be with me though, he's never really held a relationship before. But it wouldn't work out anyways because he lives in Pennsylvania.

Remember Aniyah? Yeah, we've started talking again since I've moved back home. She's really grown up and she's already started college, she goes to New York state University. She's studying in literature just like you did.

I wish I could've found a passion in writing mom, just like you but I think I'll be taking after daddy a bit more. If I don't get into a career with ballet, then I'll be doing something in the law or medical field. But trust me, I'll always love literature. I've been really into Jane Eyre lately.

Anyways, I'm going to see Aniyah today, so I have to go. I just wish I could here your voice once more. I'll leave this on the side table and hopefully you'll get a chance to read this. I'll write you again some time.

Love Baby Girl.

I place the paper on my nightstand and crawl out of bed, tears trickling down my cheeks. It always made me emotional when I wrote letters to my mother. She had been such a big part of my life and now the only way I feel like I can talk to her is through my letters.

I know she's reading them from up above - she always loved getting letters so she wouldn't be able to resist.

I grab the pack of cigarettes from my drawer and pull one out of the package then place it between my lips. Walking across the hall to the kitchen, I light the damned thing and inhale. The smoke felt amazing as if filled my lungs, warming my chest.

I had first felt that feeling when me and Scott shared our last real kiss. Now I feel it whenever I'm stressed. I'm not an avid smoker or anything now, just when I'm not in the best of mind set. I hated smoking still - but it helped, it helped a whole lot.

Opening the fridge, I pull out a carton of orange juice whilst taking another drag on the drug between my fingers. I transition between the cigarette and the OJ when it came to what went into my mouth. I chugged the orange juice then smoked the cigarette. It was a good combination.

As soon as I finish the two of them, I head to the bathroom for a shower, washing my body from head to toe. After, I quickly do my makeup then put on my gray leggings with Scott's sweatshirt. The first one that I had gotten from him the day he caught me in the lake.