𝐝𝐞𝐚𝐫 𝐚𝐦𝐚𝐲𝐚

18; sois à moi

I barely make it out the door of my classroom as my chest heaves in the quiet hallway, not a soul in sight as I blink heavily, tears running down my face.

what have I done to myself?

I can't deal with this for any longer, or I'll be ruined. I'll never be anything. My dad won't ever love me again. I wheeze trying to grasp onto air as I try to reach the girl's bathroom. my legs feel numb and I'm all of a sudden on the ground. the sound of feet running scares me but I can't concentrate on anything but the air not reaching my lungs and the thoughts of Amaya and my Dad.

"hey hey hey hey" he whispers as my vision begins to disappear and my breathing becoming more shallow and my sobs louder, the sounds remind me of her death.

"Xavier please shhh" he says his hands holding my face as he lays me down in his laps,

"Corbyn help me" I whisper trying to grasp onto him his hand finding mine as his other tangles in my hair calming my emotions.

...

the tears are just stains on my face as we sit outside on the benches, his arm laced around my waist as my head rests against his. my body feels drained as my breathing remains normal after my break down. I couldn't remember what had set me off maybe it's just the idea of not knowing how to feel anymore about my apparent "personal trauma" I've created. A passing teacher of one of my class had turned the corner in the corridor and witnessed a panicking Xavier and struggling Corbyn, granting his pleas of a class pass in order for me to calm down, talk about embarrassing.

"it's so calm" he whispers as he stares across the football field, the cold chilling us to the core but the thin layer of frost still rested along the top of the green grass. it was a deafening silence but it sat nicely with us as we never talked much.

"I think you should see someone."

"Corbyn no."

"you can't live like this-"

"I can't AFFORD therapy. it's why.. I started the journal" he sighs brushing his hand through his blonde hair hesitantly.

"I could get a job and-"

"No Corbyn that's too much for you" he opened his mouth to protest but must have saw my face saying not to push it." stuck at no answer I feel no better than before and the tears just fall from my eyes.

"hey don't cry," he whispers brushing his thumb across my cheeks gently to clear the tears but water just keeps coming from my eyes.
I thought I was fine, I thought I would be fine, I thought I was okay and on my way to being normal again but I'm not. I thought Corbyn would let me escape reality but he bought me closer to home as if stopping me from running only to confront how I feel.

"I just miss her," I whisper quieter than his soft, honey like voice. He nodds, sincerity laced on his face as he tugs me in closer to his chest, the warmth of his lean body calming my breathing further

"I know you do love" he says gently just hugging me tightly, as the bell for the period ending rings out throughout the whole school for lunch.

"Do you wanna go home? Back to mine?" He breathes into my hoodie as my brain ticks over his words, I have a spare last and it's appealing to spend more time with him I think as I dry my tears with my hoodie sleeve.

"what do you have though?" He rolls his eyes and blurts out economics, and instantly we stand up giggling at our synchronisation about the terrible subject before his eyes drop to my lips before staring back at my eyes intently,

"I didn't plan any of this. I didn't plan meeting you." He whispers so closely

"what-" but he interrupts with his soft lips capturing mine so sweetly and lovingly and his hands gently grasping the edges of my face before pulling away and quickly blurting something neither of us had really expected.

"be my girlfriend."