𝐝𝐞𝐚𝐫 𝐚𝐦𝐚𝐲𝐚

16 ; deux heures du matin

It was 2am the hand on my watch slowly ticking over as we snuggled up in the cold as the lamp continued burning its light into the morning. Earlier I had passed him my journal letting him read every single letter and I couldn't bring myself to stop him anymore. I watched him sometimes sleep on his chest still. He occasionally would laugh or I'd catch a tear falling down his face, he really is a special human.

"What's the time?"

"deux heures du matin" {two in the morning}he smiled down at me placing the book over me on the nightstand, he'd read everything and now I could hardly look at him straight.

"deux heures du matin? vraiment?"
{two in the morning? Really?} I just nodded still not moving off his chest watching the hands tick. He was so warm and to be honest comfy so I stayed still tapping my fingers gently.

"Jack Frost? Huh? Soft featuress?"

"Stopppp" I dragged out turning away embarrassed, cheeks already pink while he poked at me.

"Charminggg? appreciate me? a spark?"

"I didn't give you my journal for you to ridicule me!" shifting away from me while he smirked at me.

"Admit it Robson, you like me!"

"N-no I don't!"

"Come on I'm irresistible,"

"You believe that besson"

"You totally like me moody!"

"No! I don't!"

"Awww she loves me!"

"No I don't! you like me!"

"Don't try and avoid your underlying love for me!"

"I am not just say it you like me-"

my lungs stopped, my brain stopped, my world stopped but my heart pounded - so quickly I thought I was going to pass out as we slowly melted into each other. Corbyn kissed me. His hand had laced around the back of my neck and my waist holding me close to him. He tasted like mint and I was dying for more as we slowly moved in rhythm to our hearts racing. We pull away heavily breathing as our foreheads rested against each other's. Our eyes stared into each other shocked about what had just happened. His lips brushed mine again. Not innocently, like the first but passionately and demanding. I want to pull away before I lose myself but I can't seem to...

"Xavier..." he whispers slowly, slowing each letter. I smile, my heart fluttering at his voice. His face lights up like a kid at a fairground.

"You smiled... wow and fuck it was gorgeous" I giggle still smiling as I clasped my arms around his neck pulling him in a again placing my lips on his soft pink ones his elbow holding him above me.

"I will say it, I like you... a lot" I smirk at him pushing him off standing up.

"I knew you liked me!" His face drops as he whips his legs off the bed sitting in front of me. I could see his spirit deteriorate but he didn't realise.

Leaning forward quickly attaching myself to him again, smiling into the kiss.

"That's alright because it's the reciprocal." He was honestly like an old man and a child combined. He jumped from the bed swinging me around making me to laugh causing another moment like my smile

"You laughed wow this is a special day isn't it"

I wanted to stop smiling but I couldn't. I thought of Amaya but she was gone, not haunting me from the corner of the room and it was just Corbyn and I. He was my happiness, I'd be lying to myself if I said he wasn't.

Kayla was my happiness too,

As was Daniel and Finn.

And josh and mum.

My wall was broken and now I understood, I didn't need anymore people in my life, I had the love and happiness I hadn't seen. It was like the weight of darkness had lifted gradually off my shoulders as Corbyn pulled me down onto the bed climbing under the covers. He continued to pull me closer to him pulling his shirt over his head turning the lamp off. My face burned at how close his naked abdomen was to me but at the same time I wasn't complaining as we slowly decreased in energy.

"You see her?" He whispered into the thin silence of my room.

"all the time."

"What does she do?"

"she shakes her head at me. She's dead because of me, she has the right to be disappointed." I've never seen someone move so quickly as he did whipping his head towards me

"She is not dead because of you."

"I didn't look after her."

"No no no no."

"Tell me why she's haunting me then?" I snap back at the blonde who I loved dearly.

"She's not haunting you... you are haunting yourself."