Holding Back [COMPLETED]

Chapter 24 - "Why were you even drinking?"

"Haley!"

She didn't look back and kept walking. It wasn't until she was in the girl's bathroom on the furthest edge of the school that she stopped. Most of the stall doors hung open and Haley tried to remember why she was even there.

As she went to leave she heard something that made her stop. It was the faint sound of someone sniffly. Haley was trapped between leaving and staying when the last stall door opened and Rachel stepped out.

Thoughts of leaving vanished at the sight of the girl. Her eyes were red and parts of her makeup had begun to run down her face. What hit Haley the most was the lack of a smile and the sadness that sat heavily in her expression. Noticing Haley, Rachel froze, startled.

"I thought I was alone," she said.

"I'm sorry," Haley said, not knowing what to say.

For a long moment, they stood there staring at each other, neither knowing what to do. Eventually, Rachel broke eye contact and walked over to the sink. Grabbing a paper towel, she worked at clearing away the marks of her ruined makeup. Watching her, Haley felt rattled by the girl, who always appeared perfect, looking just like Haley felt.

In that instant, she forgot what had driven her to the bathroom. Something popped into her head and she dug around her backpack, pulling out a bag of M&Ms. Opening it, she walked over to Rachel and held out a blue one. Puzzled, Rachel looked from the candy to Haley.

"Jace says blue means hope because it's like the sky. Even though there are clouds at times there is still blue behind it."

A flicker of something more than sadness brightened Rachel's eyes as she accepted it.

"Thanks."

Haley nodded and ate one herself, then handed Rachel a yellow one.

"Does this one have a meaning?" she asked.

"They all do."

"What are they?"

Haley told and Rachel rested back against the sink, listening.

"I like that," she said when Haley finished.

The girls fell silent as the bag of M&Ms diminished.

"I don't think I've ever seen you without a smile before," Haley said.

Rachel stared at the candy poised between her two manicured fingers. "You're not supposed to see me like this."

"Why? Doesn't smiling get tiring?"

Rachel gave Haley a tired look. "Of course it does, but that doesn't change the fact that I won't stop."

"Why?"

A sigh escaped Rachel's lips. "Because everyone is watching me." Haley frowned, puzzled. "I'm the mayor's daughter, class president, I'm someone everyone knows and everyone is looking at, expecting something from me." She grabbed another blue M&M and ate it. "I don't have the luxury of going unnoticed, sitting beneath a tree and letting myself feel whatever I want to."

After a second, Haley realized Rachel was referring to her and her lunchtime spot.

"I wasn't aware that I was noticed."

"It's not that big of a school, Haley."

Haley nodded, trying to wrap her head around the fact that her secluded spot could be something worth envying. After a pause, she gestured to the bathroom.

"So is this where you come to feel whatever you need to feel?"

Rachel shrugged. "For today it is. I don't usually have this kind of dilemma."