Chapter 37

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I Can't Put My Phone Down


I try to go out
But I don't feel like talking
I stay in the back of the bar in the dark saying,
"Without you here might as well be an empty room"
And the DJ from hell's got all our favorite songs playing
I can't put my phone down
I can't be alone now
When I close my eyes
All I'm seeing is you
If I put my phone down
I might drive to your house
And do something stupid
That I shouldn't do
I can't seem to calm down
'Cause I need you here now
No I can't put my phone down
Hoping that you call now
Scrolling through our pictures
I'm closer to you
No I can't put my phone down

I bring someone home
Just trying to feel more human
But it don't feel good in the end
'Cause like me she's feeling used
Deep down I know
It's a temporary solution
So I could come out pull the sheets to my head
But the bed still smells like you
I can't put my phone down
I can't be alone now
When I close my eyes
All I'm seeing is you
If I put my phone down
I might drive to your house
And do something stupid
That I shouldn't do

Stay alive
Stay alive
Till the morning
I'm just trying to
Stay alive
Stay alive
Till the morning
I'm just trying to
Stay alive
Stay alive
Till the morning
I'm just trying to
Stay alive
Stay alive
Till the morning

I can't put my phone down
I can't be alone now
When I close my eyes
All I'm seeing is you
If I put my phone down
I might drive to your house
And do something stupid
That I shouldn't do
No I can't put my phone down
No I can't put my phone down
I can't seem to calm down
Cause I need you here now
No I can't put my phone down
Hoping that you call now
Scrolling through our pictures
I'm closer to you

Writer(s): BENNO GOEIJ DE, JUSTIN STEIN, ARMIN J J D BUUREN VAN, FERNANDO GARIBAY, MIRO PADILLA

*****

"You know," Sam said conversationally. "I like her."

Shawn nodded. "Yeah." He knew where this was headed, and preferred not to engage. It was Saturday afternoon, and he was driving Sam out to one of the malls, where he was going to undergo the grueling annual ritual of Thanksgiving weekend holiday shopping. Sam refused to participate in any Black Friday mania, but he did prefer to get his purchasing over with before the holiday season hit in full force. This was a family tradition dating back decades. His mother had always decorated the interior and exterior of the house throughout the month of December, and getting the shopping out of the way early made it easier for her to indulge in what she regarded as the truly fun part of Christmas.

When his dad had come downstairs and said that he was headed out shopping, Shawn had felt his stomach drop. He usually came home to spend a few days with his father at Christmas, but the pain of the undecorated house was something he could quickly shed if it only lasted a few days. This year, he would have to face an entire season of missing his mother and the festivity of the season, unable to anesthetize himself with work, champagne, and the craziness of December in New York City, not to mention female company at every glitzy, drunken office party, and afterwards.

Without his usual bag of tricks, it was going to hurt. And what was more, that he even recognized that they were ruses was a painful dose of reality.
"Burnham," Sam mused. "Funny, I didn't know them at all. Thought I knew everyone, but I suppose Greenleigh's a little too big for that."
Shawn shrugged, not answering. As he pulled into the mall parking lot, he tried not to shudder with distaste. It was crowded. People's expressions were not cheerful. If anything, they looked harried and stressed as they rushed past. Twice, Shawn had to stop in order to avoid a collision with a shopper who walked slowly while gazing at his phone. It was clear that people weren't here by choice, and that they were also trying to anesthetize themselves from whatever unpleasant reality they faced.
He rolled to a stop before the big box store at one end of the complex. "Listen, Dad. I don't want you to walk through this entire place from end to end. I'm dropping you off at one end, but don't get crazy thoughts about trying to do it all at one go. I'll bring you again if you want. And don't backtrack! If you missed a store, leave it till next time."
"You're such a nag," Sam grumbled. "I'm the parent here. And I don't nag. Maybe I should."
"I don't want you to drop dead," Shawn said. "It would ruin my week."
"Ha," Sam said. He opened his door, saying over his shoulder, "I didn't nag you about Beth. Maybe I should have. Life's too short."
"Wait, what? What do you mean?" Shawn objected.
"You heard me. Life's too short."
"Yeah, well, tell her that. She's the problem, not me."
"I did."
"What?" Jeez. When had his dad spoken to Beth?
"You heard me. I'll be done in a couple hours."
The door slammed, leaving Shawn with his mouth hanging open as his dad strolled away. He saw him raising one hand as he apparently recognized someone in the distance. Hmm, it was a woman? Who was she? Wait, was this a plan? A date, even?
He watched as his dad walked up to an attractive older woman in jeans. They greeted one another cheerfully and proceeded into the mall, chatting.
Wow. He'd somehow missed this detail. Dad hadn't mentioned having company at the mall. Shawn sighed. You just never knew with him.

He was tired. He was tired and he was over it. Not over Beth, just over all of this mess. If she'd agree to marry him, he'd do it tomorrow. Okay, wait, tomorrow was Sunday. Monday, then. Whenever. Just—he wasn't going to think about this anymore. He was there for her and he would wait for her, but he was worn out trying to fight the Gunnar/not-Gunnar, Seattle/Greenleigh battle. He didn't want to do this anymore. He'd done his best, he'd exorcised the demon of that long-ago elopement, he'd taken them to New York, and he'd even proven himself by delivering her to the airport.No more. The ball was in her court.
His phone buzzed, but he paid it no mind because he was driving. He had no particular plans for the day, and he sure as hell wasn't going to go into the office, which is what he would have done back at the firm in New York. Today he could just recover from his ordeal, maybe veg out on the couch in front of the television—no, Beth would be around, damn it. That wouldn't be relaxing at all. Maybe he could take in a movie.
In which case, he shouldn't leave the mall, he thought. The multiplex was next door, and he needed to pick up his dad in a couple of hours, so if he wanted to see a movie, he ought to check the listings before driving in the opposite direction and having to turn around and drive back.
He pulled into a space, and reached into the cup holder next to him for his phone. Before he could look for a movie, however, he noticed that he had a text message from an unknown number. A junk text, probably. He opened up the messaging app in order to delete it but paused when he saw the message.



"Shawn, it's Angela. Sorry to bother you. May I call you?"
Angela Stuart? That was weird. Why would she be trying to reach him? As far as he knew, she was in California with Bob.
Suddenly concerned, he typed, "Sure." He hoped Bob hadn't taken ill or that something hadn't gone wrong during their trip. Given that he was representing Bob during his divorce, he particularly hoped that Angela wasn't calling him behind Bob's back. He would have to tell her that he couldn't talk to her. Awkward.


His phone rang.
"Hi Angela."
"Shawn. Thank goodness. I got your number from Bob. I'm sorry to bother you during the holiday weekend."
"Not at all, Angela. Is everything all right? You're still in California? Is Bob there?"
"Bob is here. He gave me your number. And yes, we're still in California."

Phew. Okay, he didn't have to worry that she was going to question him about Bob, then.
"Shawn, I had to call. Bob and I have been—talking. A lot, during this trip. I wanted to thank you for helping him—helping us, rather. Your dad is a good friend of his. I know it's awkward. Greenleigh is such a small town."

Shawn stretched out his legs and adjusted his seat to lean back a little. This call might take time, but what the heck. Definitely not the kind of client call he used to get in New York! This was far more enjoyable, for sure.
"Yeah, Greenleigh is small," he agreed. "I hope you're working things out."
"Well—I'm glad I came. I think things will be a lot better going forward." She sounded embarrassed, then hastened on. "Actually, I'm not calling to talk about us. We're in a good place, and we'll figure this thing out. But this is actually about Beth."

Uh-oh. Here it comes. Shawn almost groaned. No, he thought. He wanted to stop thinking about all of that. What could he say to make this call less unpleasant, he wondered.
But before he could reply, Angela continued. "You know my daughter is here in California. In school. That's why Bob decided to bring us out here." There was a pause. Shawn could almost hear her thinking about what to say next. He glanced at his reflection in the rearview mirror and realized that he hadn't shaved that morning, nor the day before. The last time he'd shaved had been Thanksgiving morning. In New York. Right before they'd left.
Man. That was some drive.

He rubbed at his chin. I look like heck. I should have looked in the mirror this morning.
He knew he would have cared more if Beth had been around, but he hadn't seen her at all today.

Angela cleared her throat, and he was jolted back to the present. Had she said something, and he hadn't heard her? But before he could make a tentative comment, she said in a rush, "I ran into Beth right before Bob and I left for California. She said she was selling the house and leaving Greenleigh. I was so shocked. And I didn't have a chance to talk to her about it."

Shawn waited. He was not eager to jump into this conversation. Better he hold off until he knew what she was trying to tell him. Or perhaps she was just asking for information. In either case, he was reluctant to join in. He was tired of this subject.

"I know that—Bob said that you and Beth knew each other from way back. And I'm worried about her. Do you know when she's supposed to leave for Seattle?"

Shawn heaved a sigh. He rubbed at his face with both hands, and wondered how much Angela could hear over the car's phone connection. He was so tired and so done with all of this, he didn't think he could be tactful if he tried.

"Angela, that's been canceled. She was supposed to leave on Thanksgiving Day, but things didn't work out. She's here in Greenleigh."

"Oh, I'm so glad!" Angela burst out. "I know that house has been causing her problems, and well, we can help. That's what Bob does, and he's good at it. He would love to help her out. But when she said she was leaving, I didn't know what to say! It was so sudden, and I was in the middle of my own...." Her voice trailed off, then sharpened suddenly. "That boy, Gunnar. What about him?"


"I don't know," Shawn said wearily. "I don't know what happened to him. He might have gone out to Seattle anyway, who knows." He stretched further back in his seat, nearly lying down now. God, he was tired. Maybe he should just nap until his dad was done.

"Without Beth?"

"I don't know. Maybe."

"I didn't recognize him when I saw him," Angela said. "Took me by surprise."
Shawn sat up. "Do you know him?"
"Yes. And actually it was my daughter who remembered him first. Gunnar is a name you don't hear too often. I was talking to Bob and saying that Beth was leaving town with some guy named Gunnar—a guy I wouldn't have expected her to be with, with all those piercings—and my daughter knew him."

"How?" Shawn frowned. Gunnar, from Greenleigh? He hadn't thought of that before. In fact, he hadn't thought to ask Beth where in heck the guy had even come from. He just thought of him as a sketchy dude from the wrong part of town. He didn't know anything about him. But if he had been from Greenleigh, as in really  from Greenleigh, he should have known who he was.

He thought backwards in time. He was several years older than Beth, and Gunnar was younger even than she was, so it was unlikely that he would have run into Gunnar at any point during his high school years. And Beth had never mentioned anything like that. She wasn't one to bring up Gunnar's name voluntarily, it was true—but if Gunnar had been someone she'd known for years, he surely would have heard about it.

"So this is what Grace said. He got kicked out of school. She remembered that he was a really talented artist, but never did any schoolwork. And he was always giving the teachers trouble. I never knew his name, but I'd seen him around. I didn't recognize him, I suppose, because he wasn't tattooed and pierced in middle school." She chuckled.

Shawn relaxed. Oh. Was that it? That was boring.

"But she's seen him on social media, connected to other people she knew from Greenleigh. And what she told me was that he ended up at a fancy boarding school outside of Worcester."

Shawn sat up again. "What?"

"Yes, I was shocked as well! Grace says his family is extremely wealthy. It's old Boston money. Their Greenleigh home is more like a country estate. She said she actually heard about a crazy party he held out there, likely one of the reasons he got kicked out of school."

"Do you know where it is?"

"It's lakefront. There aren't too many grand old lakefront homes in Greenleigh. It would be easy to find if you had a mind to look for it. But Shawn, I just want to know that Beth is all right."


Shawn made a decision. It was time to stop the charade. "She's fine. She's at my house, actually."
"Oh?" Angela's voice rose.
"Yeah. And she can stay with us until she knows what she wants to do. Listen, is it all right if I tell her that Bob can help her to figure out the house?"

"Of course! Please do! I don't want her to leave Greenleigh, but I understand if she needs to. I just don't want her to be hasty and to make rash decisions. We're here to help. She's helped so many people, it's insane that she didn't turn to us for help herself."
"Thanks for calling, Angela. You've already helped a lot."
Shawn picked up his phone. He didn't go onto social media very often because he didn't like being reminded of what his New York life had been like. More than once he had been astonished to discover a two- or three-year-old photo of himself in a tuxedo, holding a glass of champagne, and on the arm of a glamorous socialite. But now he opened up the apps and began to search.

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