Stall

Chapter 106.

It's like you mourn the way things were before that but of information flipped everything upside down.

The image you had of them, is shattered and won't ever be the same. You can't unlearn those facts about them.

It's confusing, because whilst I had expected Harry to be capable of killing people... I just didn't expect... What was on those tapes.

I sat there, really thinking about what the differences were between he and his father, considering they had both done the exact same thing.

Whether Harry thinks so or not, or even if other people don't agree - there are several major differences that barely make it even remotely comparable.

I can barely say his fathers name, Matt - but Matt tortured a child... His own child, repeatedly for years on end with no remorse - he could have easily killed Harry, but his choice not to wasn't out of compassion... It was just out of spite. He had Harrys mother killed, and the only reason I think he didn't do it himself was to protect himself and get away with it, not because he wasn't capable of it.

I don't care which way you turn it, you can't tell me that torturing a small child is the same as Harry doing that same thing to grown men, men just like the ones that hurt him.

Men that did... Vile things, things that put that little boy in that grave I was just at.

A big difference, when I really thought about it was the language used from Harry and his father.

Harry said 'I wish I wasn't like this'

His father would have said 'I wish you weren't like this'

It may not sound like much... But the allocation of the blame says a lot. Harry blames himself, and his father always blamed Harry and never himself.

Harry may hate his father, and may think his father made him this way but Harry wouldn't have the shame and guilt he does if he blamed everyone but himself.

It's not excusing what Harry has done, but I also won't sit there and say those two circumstances are exactly the same.

It doesn't make it better or worse, but it definitely doesn't make it the same thing... I just don't want Harry thinking he's like his father.

Matt wasn't like Harry... But he did make Harry what he ended up turning into, he created that pain in Harry.

Harry had no choice in that, and while what he did in that basement was a choice, because there's plenty of people that get abused and don't go around hurting people that way... I can't help but ask myself how much of a choice Harry really had with the life he's had so far.

I don't mean in the real world, in a world like mine. I mean in his world, the one filled with abuse, torture and violence. The amount of pain he was trapped in, for him to feel like that was his a logical option.

It's bat shit insane to someone like me, but to him... In the midst of being suffocated with his own suffering, that idea was logical to him.

I know it's not the same... But the only experience I have with something even remotely similar, is when I would see a dog fighting abuse cases come in at the shelter.

It wasn't like Ludo, he wasn't used in dog fighting... He just belonged to a monster, dogs that are forced to fight are just... Even more gut wrenching.

The dogs that came in from dog fighting weren't born violent, they had that violence created in them. They could be the most placid and loving animals and then the second they saw another dog... That flip switched, like a snap in their head and if they had the chance they would rip it to shreds.