Forgotten Boy

Tavern

We had gone down to have a few drinks as it got dark and it had been going well-Varric, Cole and I had been sitting around drinking and laughing with a few of our friends and I'd been having a wonderful time. Iron Bull was egging us all on and Krem was trying to out-drink him... and was doing surprisingly well!
There had been no talk about Cole and I, or Solas for that matter, and we were all having a good time together.

It wasn't until later in the evening that I noticed that Cole was being very quiet.
"Are you okay, Cole?" I asked, still smiling from the conversation I'd been having with Bull.

"I... I don't know..."
I turned to face him and noticed the empty cups around him. I had never known him to drink before and frowned.

"Did... you drink all these?"

"The Iron Bull told me to try it."

"Not that many," I scolded, "have you ever had alcohol before?"

"No."

"Ah leave him be," Bull winked, "put hairs on your chest, kid."
I scowled at him and he responded with a sheepish smile, "eh... sorry, Inquisitor."

Cole looked around the room with dazed eyes and stared at a woman who was sitting at a nearby table, "why won't anyone notice me...? I put on my good dress and still I sit alone? It's been over a year since my husband left me... why does no one look at me?"
He looked away from the mortified woman and found his eyes settling on another-Krem.
"Bull sees me for who I am but why doesn't he see me as more than that? I wonder if he's as big as he looks..."
Krem played it off in his drunken state but his reddening cheeks were pretty obvious to everyone around him.
When Cole looked at me I felt dread stir in the pit of my stomach, "I wonder if anyone will ever understand my feelings or if they'll always judge me for-" I clamped a hand over his mouth before he could say too much and he looked up at me, his pale blue orbs struggling to focus.

"I think that's enough," I let my hand leave his lips and his head dropped.

"I don't... feel well," he rubbed an eye with the back of his hand and I put my arm around him to help him up.

"Come on, I'll get you back."
I hoisted him up from his stool and he clumsily walked with me across Skyhold. I wondered what he was going to say in the tavern and he suddenly answered by muttering, "you're embarrassed of me."

"I'm not embarrassed of you."

"I know you are."

"I'm not... it's just that I know how some people view you and I don't want people to get the wrong idea. I'm not embarrassed because of you, okay?"
I noticed Vivienne walking towards us-she was wearing bold white clothing that hardly suited walking around the castle at night-and Cole eyed her warily.

"I am not a 'thing'," he suddenly snapped at her and she screwed her nose up at him.

"Stay out of my head, Demon. That is the only time I will warn you."

He slumped a little and I caught him, "I am not a thing!" He repeated and Vivienne looked at me with disapproval.

"Maybe you should keep your pet on a shorter leash, my dear. We wouldn't want him biting anyone now, would we?"

"Not now, Vivienne, he's not himself."

"Has he ever been himself, I wonder?"

"That's enough," I snapped, "if you don't like him then keep away, but I do not want people treating others like this here. Stay or leave, it's up to you, but do not speak to him in that way."
She looked disgruntled but continued to stride away. Cole murmered a thank you before I urged him to walk again.
"You can't just say whatever pops into your head, Cole, we've been through this..."

"Everyone's thoughts sound so loud... I have to let them out or it stings..."

"You're intoxicated-"

"I don't like it!" He sounded panicked and sat down abruptly on the grass, "make it stop! The voices are so loud!"

"Calm down-"

"Skyhold is spinning, swirling, spiraling down and I can't stop it! I'm scared!" I sat down next to him and pulled him against me and covered his eyes. He buried his head into my chest and let out a small whimper.

"Its okay, this is what drinking does. Don't worry, it'll be over in the morning."

"I can't wait until the morning!" His voice was muffled against my clothing, "it's so loud!"
I stroked the back of his head in a feeble attempt to calm him down.

"Come on, Cole, let's get inside. I'll get you some water and you can stay with me, okay? I'll make the world stop spinning."

"Promise?"

"I promise."

He looked up at me and I helped him to his feet, "come on."

We walked to my quarters and I got him settled in bed before bringing him a glass of water.
He gulped it all down before closing his eyes and I sat down next to him.
"You know... I think you'll have some apologising to do tomorrow. You embarrassed a few people in there."

"I'm sorry," he said solemnly, "I didn't mean it... I didn't even know I was doing it. It got too much and I had to do something to stop the pressure."

"Is it still bad?"

"Yes."

"What's it like?"

He closed his eyes, "like angry bees swarming inside my head and pressing against my skull, they need to escape but... I can't let them out. They're loud and they hurt..."

I felt sorry for him and rested my palm against his forehead, and he sighed heavily.
"Just try and relax, okay?" I stroked his hair lightly and eventually his heavy breaths calmed into light snores. I wasn't aware that Cole could sleep... but he seemed to be becoming more human every day so I supposed it wasn't all that surprising.
I lay down beside him and rested my head on his shoulder. I still missed Solas... but Cole was at the forefront of my mind now. I hadn't thought about it before but Cole had become a priority in my mind and the thought of finding Solas again was shadowed by the thought of staying here with Cole.
I smiled a little.
He really had helped me after all...