Forgotten Boy

Me?

The next week took my mind off of my aching heart when we finally decided to send men to the Hinterlands. Unfortunately it was taking my mind off of one stress and passing on another, as we hadn't heard from the men in four days. I hadn't really spoken to anyone apart from the members of the war council and, as far as I could tell, Cole had gone into hiding. I hadn't seen him in six days which was unusual as he was usually wandering around getting up to his own quiet mischief.
I saw Varric walking near the stables and jogged over, "have you seen Cole?"

"Yeah, he's there, as usual," he gestured towards the building where Cole used to hide away when we came back from our travels, and also where he slept... if he slept...

"Oh, I checked there earlier... when did you last see him?"

"A few hours ago, I went to tell him to stop pissing everyone off. They're always complaining about him, you know."

"Yeah, I've heard," I smiled, "thanks," I left him to check the upper level of the place he liked to live.
When I climbed the stairs and checked the room, he was nowhere to be seen. I checked the other levels but there was still no sign of him, so I sat on the steps and waited for something to happen.
I waited for a long time before I sighed and stood up, fed up with sitting around, and went to see if we'd heard from the troops yet.
We hadn't.

I went to ask Varric again if he'd seen Cole and he said he'd go and find him, "what's the big deal? He done something wrong?"

"No, I just wanted to speak to him... he's helping with something."

"I see... it's not like him to run away when he's trying to help, maybe I should go speak to him."

"I would appreciate it. I'll be in my room. Come and find me if you hear from him."

"Will do," he winked at me and left, leaving me to sulk back to my room and read until Varric brought me some news.

I met Sara walking back and she smiled broadly at me, "alright inquisitor?"

"Yes" I said flatly, not in the mood to speak to the lairy blonde.

"Okay then," She called after me, "catch ya when you're not in a shitty mood!"

I ignored her and walked back to my room, already feeling like going back to bed.

Varric came to my room later that day in a bit of a daze, and I invited him in, "everything okay?" I asked, tired of the conversation before it had started. Then I noticed the worried look on his face.

"Jeez, I don't know what you said to the kid, but he sure has taken it seriously."

"What do you mean?" My attention was suddenly grasped at the mention of Cole, "is everything alright?"

"I don't know... he looks sad, more so than usual, and he's talking about hurt and feelings and... well, something like 'why did she start this'... I tried talking to him about it but he kept repeating himself, you know what he does, just making no sense... then he disappeared... he never hides from me, I don't know what to do. What have you been talking about?"

I sighed, "a lot of things... we've spoken about his life, other people that live here... anything that we think to talk about, I guess. We've been talking about Solas a lot," I had to push myself to be able to speak his name.

"Ah. Now I understand. He was very close with Solas, has he said anything about him? Anything that could have caused this?"

"He said he missed him," I offered, "Maybe it's just about that?"

"I dunno," he frowned, "I'd have thought maybe he'd have told me if it was just that... who knows, I like to think that we get along but I know we aren't as close as him and that damn elf."

I felt my jaw clench at even the slightest insult to my ex-partner, but I forced myself to relax and spoke again, "I guess they were close. If you see him again then tell him to come and find me, okay? I have missed talking to him. It seems like he's the only one who I can speak to around here."

He smiled, "will do. You know where I am if you ever need anything."

I thanked him and he walked out of the room, completely unaware that Cole had taken his place in the middle of the room.

"I wish you wouldn't do that," I tutted, "Where have you been? I've been looking everywhere-"

"I felt you worrying, panic gripping tighter and tighter in your stomach, sick and scared, alone and-"

"You don't have to do that, Cole, I am well aware of how I'm feeling. The question is, how are you feeling?"

"Also sick and scared." He responded in a way that made my insides tighten. What on earth could a spirit be frightened of?

"What are you scared of?"

"I don't know. There are too many feelings, too many thoughts... I don't know how to help myself."

"What do you mean?"

"The days that we spoke I could feel how you were feeling, I knew how strongly you felt... and then I felt it. I could feel what you were feeling, so strong, expanding inside me. I didn't... don't know how to stop it..."

"What do you feel, Cole?" I asked, already knowing the answer.

"Love... I feel love." The usual vacant look in his eyes was replaced with something so innocent, like a frightened child, that I frowned.

"That's not a bad thing, is it? Don't you want to experience human emotions? Didn't you want to become more human? Isn't that why you got the amulet?"

"I want to be loved... now that I've felt it, I feel alone... I feel love for you."

"Me?" I blinked, "is that why you've been avoiding me?"

"No..." he looked away and wrung his hands.

"Then why?" I coaxed, the dread increasing with every sentence he was coming out with.

"Because you feel the same love for Solas..."