My D

Yesterday

Yesterday I went to college. I met again with some of my friends, whom I hadn't met in two weeks. Because the first week, I came home and the second week they did not go to college because indeed some of the courses were off, so we just met again.

Then, one of my friends asked, "What did you do in the group yesterday?" I know what she means is about the commotion I made.

"Yeah, what are you doing?"said the others.

" I want to just make it fun,"I replied.

"You are really annoying, you know?"

"Of course, I know."

"I know. Surely she feels lonely, right?"

"You are lonely, right? Ha ha ha."

"Why don't you go home?"

"I don't know if all courses will be off."

"You should be able to predict! Usually at this time it is most likely off."

"I know, but I still think positively."

It felt like they were looking at me like a fool.

My mind reassured me that "No one cares, so I don't need to care".

Sometimes I'm very upset, and hope they feel it too. But, I know everyone has their own parts.

I want to tell them that there were so many positive and even negative words that I say to myself are just to hold back feeling homesick.

I want to tell them how it feels to spends all day just listening to music, or watching dramas without talking.

I want to tell them if when they are happy because the lesson is off, I'm not even happy. It just makes me feel more useless.

Don't they think that I came all the way here not to spend time at the boarding house?

I remember one line of lyrics from BTS's Jin song - Epiphany, "I'm the one I should love in this world", maybe the point is that no one else loves you, so you are the one who should loves yourself.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

Last word : I'm not try to not care about the others, but now I try to understand the difference between self-care and selfish.

021-499-190-507