chapter twenty-one

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Nami was growing restless. It had been nearly four months since Luffy's disappearance, and they still had not found her captain. Sure, they had a lead, and Ace, and Sabo, but still no Monkey D. Luffy. That fact filled Nami with horrible anxiety, and wore down her patience. She often accidentally snapped at her crewmates, wearing down their patience as well. The Straw Hats and Luffy's two older brothers were all on edge, terrified for their captain's life. Fights between Sanji and Zoro went unchecked, arguments between Usopp and Nami were left ongoing. Robin had stopped talking completely, and Chopper was constantly in tears. Franky kept mostly to himself, holing up in his workshop unless meals were called, and Brook played sad, emotional violin music. Ace and Sabo weren't doing much better, the two had gotten into an argument about the choices Ace had made when Sabo had been presumed dead, and they were not on speaking terms. The people aboard the Thousand Sunny were in shambles.


Currently, Usopp and Nami were shouting at each other with full force. Both had forgotten what the argument had started over, but they needed an outlet for the boiling anxiety in their stomachs, and screaming was an effective way to release it.


"Yeah well, at least I don't throw people into unnecessary debt!"


"At least I don't have to lie about my fighting skills! Or anything, as a matter of fact!"


"At least I have a heart!"


"At least I have money!"


"At least I can recognize when someone cares about me!"


"At least I can take care of those I love!" Usopp visibly winced at this comment. It was a low blow, aiming at Kaya, Nami realized, but she was too high off of adrenaline to really care at the moment. She would care later, but not at this second.


"You suck," he whispered, tears forming in his eyes. He turned his head away from her so that she couldn't see how bad that comment hurt. Coming down off of the high with a knot in her stomach, she bit her lower lip.


"I'm sorry," she began reaching for him, but he stepped away from her, "I didn't mean to—"


"Just stop talking to me," he mumbled, stomping away from the orange-haired woman. Nami let her arm fall as she stared after him. Tears stung her eyes; she hadn't meant to hurt her friend. She wiped her eyes on her arm and went into her office. Her lower lip trembled as she entered it, and as she sat down in her chair, she erupted into tears. It was too much, with Luffy missing.


Was he worried? Did he know that the crew was on its way to save him? Did he still have hope that he was going to be rescued? Did he know how badly Nami wanted to find him? She hoped he knew. He was the first to put up a fight for her since Bellemere-san, and the only person she felt safe with.


She missed his stupid smile, and his obnoxious laugh, and his warm, dark, emotion-filled eyes. She missed his curiosity, his undying thirst for adventure, his voice as he told her stories of his past. She missed Luffy with such a passion that she had stolen his pillows and blankets from his bed, and used them to remind herself of his scent, woodsy and peppery and salty and ocean. She didn't know how he smelled like the ocean, but he did. Like seaspray as it washed over a rock, or as it came up over the sand of a beach, soaking your feet as it welcomed you home.


His hat was still situated on her head, and never far from her if she wasn't wearing it. She constantly ran her fingers over it subconsciously, as if to remind herself that he was going to be found and rescued.


She missed his warmth, the security she felt in his presence, the safety. The feeling of knowing you belong. Without her captain, she was still Nami, but she was scared she was losing her place of navigator. She knew that was a stupid assumption, and that the Straw Hat crew was her family, but the fear nagged at the back of her head nonetheless. Her memories of Luffy were her anchor.


Luffy was her anchor.


Damn him for being an idiot and getting himself kidnapped.


Tears were still pouring from Nami's large hazel eyes. She hated crying, and she knew that her tears brought Luffy pain, and so she never cried, but the ache of Luffy's absence tore her apart, and holding it in wasn't helping.


A soft knock on the ladder caused her to jump. When she turned, she noticed black hair, and immediately thought Luffy, but then she realized it was not. She hated the sinking feeling in her stomach as she recognized Ace. She quickly wiped her eyes and sniffed.


"Hey, Nami," he greeted gently, leaning against the ladder. His eyes scanned her up and down quickly, taking in her disheveled head of fiery orange hair, her red, puffy eyes, her tear-stained cheeks, the grey turtleneck sweater she wore, with the sleeves being too long for her hands to be visible, and the look of pure pain she had in her eyes. Luffy's hat was in one of her hands, and she clutched it to her chest. She sniffed again.


"Hey, Ace," her shaky voice replied. Ace sighed, chuckling.


"And here I thought I was the emotional wreck, missing my little brother." Nami rolled her eyes, and spun around in her chair until her back was to the man. "Sorry, I'm not really good with people," he said, wincing at the fact he had hurt her. Nami sighed.


"That makes two of us," she replied, leaning her head in her hands. "I hurt Usopp."


"Yeah, I heard you guys arguing," the tall man said, his eyebrows knitting together in sympathy. Nami looked over her shoulder at him, before sighing and turning back to her desk.


"I'm sure the whole world could hear us arguing." She pinched the bridge of her nose. "We're falling apart without him," she whispered. Ace said nothing but stepped toward her slowly.


"He holds us all together, but I'm sure we'll all be okay when we find him," he reassured her, placing a hand on her shoulder. She nodded, though still felt awful.


"I just don't want to lose him." Nami hadn't said what was truly on her mind, but Ace heard it anyway.


"He's fine," he said, his voice firm. Ace hadn't considered Luffy's death, not because he was naive, but because he had simply ignored the idea of losing either of his brothers. Deep down, he knew it was a possibility, especially with the youngest's current situation. It scared him, so he vowed to himself he would protect his brothers. To keep his sanity, he held his belief that his youngest brother was alive and well. Although he and Sabo were not speaking to each other yet, Ace knew that they both were worried for their brother.


Nami looked over at the man again.


"I hope to god he is," she replied, her eyes swimming with tears. 

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