chapter forty-six

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It was nearly dawn, and the Thousand Sunny was nearing Bluejam's last known location. Luffy had sat on the Lion's Head all night, holding his hat in his lap, absentmindedly running his thumb over the stitching of where Nami had fixed the holes, and adrenaline had kept him awake. Sanji had offered him breakfast, but the Captain refused. The blond stared at him.

"You're... not going to eat?" Luffy shook his head, still staring out into the ocean.

"Nami's going to be starving, she can eat my portion when we save her." Sanji sighed.

"I don't think it would be a good idea for you to be running on zero sleep and no food when we're fighting him, Luffy." The Captain said nothing in return, so Sanji continued. "Especially since you were starved for several months, and let's not forget the fact that you are still recovering from literally dying, I think that your body should at least have some food in it."

Reluctantly, and still not speaking, Luffy turned and hopped onto the deck. He walked ahead of Sanji into the kitchen, where he silently watched him cook. The blond looked over his shoulder at him, as Luffy stared at the hat between his fingers.

"Nami's going to be okay," he offered softly, turning back to his stove. The Captain shook his head.

"If I'm not okay after what he did to me, then there is absolutely no fucking way that Nami will be okay. I'm made of rubber, so I'm pretty indestructible on my own, but Nami has nothing; no Devil Fruit powers, no weapons, and no significant strength. I only survived as long as I was on that ship because I've spent my whole life living through shit like that. If we don't get to Nami soon," he met the chef's worried eyes, "she could die." Luffy released a shaky breath, "Bluejam would do anything to hurt me, and since he managed to steal Nami, he would have no problem using her as collateral."

Luffy had a concerningly calm demeanor about him. Sanji knew he was probably terrified, but he also knew that until Nami was safe onboard the Thousand Sunny that he would most likely shut down all of his emotions to focus on saving her.

They stared at each other in silence for a long time.

"There's also... the mental damage that being captured and tortured leaves behind," the brunet said eventually, lowering his gaze once more to the hat.

"What... did it do to you?" Sanji was genuinely curious, as he had noticed little things, like Luffy's sudden aversion to being completely alone, always joined by at least one member of his crew, how he had for nearly every night since his return left his bed near two or three in the morning (save for every night he had slept in the medical bay), or how he would slip away when he would start shaking, only to reappear later on with redder, puffier eyes.

Luffy looked up at him, but didn't answer for a while.

Dropping his gaze once more, he finally replied, "A lot." A simple answer, but admitting that his experience had at least fucked him up in some way or another was better than trying to deny the emotional damage that he had been dealt.

~ ~ ~ • ~ ~ ~

"Hey, Love-Cook," Zoro greeted while in the midst of his training. Sanji rolled his eyes at him.

"Moss-Head. You wanna set that down so you can listen to me?" he asked, referring to the ridiculously heavy weight the swordsman was bench-pressing. With a rather irritated grunt, Zoro placed the weight on the floor and sat up to squint at his crew-mate.

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