Right now I'm like batshit drunk. I've been going through shit and I just don't really know what to do, so I just drunk my pain and sorrow away.
I feel like a burden sometimes. For example my best friend Zion. He's always there for me. If I'm hungry and I don't feel like cooking he'll come over with Chipotle in his hands no question.
If I'm batshit drunk and I call he'll come pick me up. Like right now. His car pulls up in front of me. He gets out of his car and approach me.
"Zion!" I say drunkly, wobbling all over the place, I couldn't even stand on my own.
He grabs me by my waist as I was about to fall. I couldn't stop laughing, I couldn't help it. "Let's get you home." He said, directing me to his car.
"No, let's keep partying and get even more wasted." He puts me in the passenger seat and buckles the seatbelt for me.
"Aww you're such a sweetheart. Never change." I sends me a small smile, chuckling at me.
He close the passenger door and get into the driver seat. As we drive away from the club, I just started babbling.
"You know I love you right? I asked Zion. He takes his eyes off the road for about 5 seconds to look at me.
"Prove it." He said.
"How?"
He then hands me a bottle of water. "First test: Drink the water." He commands. I take the cap off and down the water like it's nothing.
"That was super easy." I said, throwing the bottle out of the window. I could slowly feel myself sobering up.
This is gonna be the worst hangover ever, but I don't care because I know Zion is gonna take care of me.
"(y/n) you have to stop doing this to yourself, I'm worried about you." He said, with concern written all over his face.
I let out a sigh. "Zion, I'm just living in the moment, calm down, I could stop if I wanted to." I said lying to him and myself.
"Ok Second test: Quit drinking, smoking and anything can get you locked up or dead." He said in a serious tone.
"What if I don't stop." I asked.
"Then I'll send you to rehab." He said, I started laughing. He wasn't really gonna send me through rehab.
The one place I promised myself I'll never go to because I'm not my mother.
"I don't understand why you're laughing, I'm so serious (y/n). Get your shit together or I'm sending you to rehab."
"And what if I refuse to go to rehab?"
"Then I'm gonna be officially done with you." He said, I scrunch up my face in disbelief. "Whenever you need me, I won't be there."
"Are you serious?" I couldn't help but feel hurt. He knows what I'm going through and that I don't want to feel it and he can't even let me, do what I need to do to get over it.
Some type of friend.
"I'm so serious, I'm not going to watch you end your life. So you either get clean or I'm gone." He said, he then stops at a red light.
"I guess your done with me." I then get out of the car. I started walking the rest of the way.
"What are doing?" Zion said, I don't look back and just continue my journey home.
Then in the corner of my eye I could see his car pull up next to me. "Get back in the car." Zion said, I continue to walk not saying anything.
"Come on (y/n) it's twelve in the morning you can't walk home by yourself." I remain silent.
He then stops his car. I never stop walking. Next thing I know he's in front of me, holding me back from walking.
"Stop, can't you see I just want you to have a better life." I jerk my body away from his.
"If you want me to have a better life then just leave me alone. Why can't you just let me do what I want to do. I'm a adult not a child." I then walk around him not wanting to talk to him anymore.
"I don't want to leave your life but I can't watch you kill yourself. I care about you too much." He said stopping me again, taking my face into his hands.
"I'm going to grieve the only way I know how, if you can't handle that, then why are we even standing here." I move his hands off my face.
"(y/n)."
"Bye, Zion." I walked around him. I hug myself as the cold morning breeze brush against my smooth (s/c) skin.
I quickly wipe away the tear threatening to fall. I made it home without Zion. I just let someone else walk out of my life.
I change out of my clothes and lay down in my bed, to exhausted to even brush my teeth. I ended up crying myself to sleep.
When I woke up it was seven-twenty-seven in the morning. I have a pounding headache and my eyesight is a little blurry.
"Fuck my life." I said as it felt like I was repeatedly getting punched in my face. I went to check my phone and then I saw my wallpaper.
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Then recaps of what happened earlier in the morning. Me and Zion's fight. Now we aren't friends anymore.
I felt the urge to text him but I didn't. Instead I texted my girl bestie and we are going out to a club later.
Maybe a drink and some weed can make me forget about my pain and Zion.
I was told to never change for anyone. I'm gonna get sober when I want to and I stand by that but right now, I'm still in my own state of mind and I need a stress reliever.
I just wish things didn't go down like that with Zion. I'm gonna miss having him around but he wanted to fix me.
