Something More | Randy

chapter twenty-two | fragile

We sat in awkward silence. Looking at Rye's mortification and thinking back on his earlier words, I wondered if there was even any relationship to tell about anymore. 

"Are you still going home?" I addressed the question to Rye. He pondered a moment, caught between not wanting to upset me and his true feelings. 

"I don't know," he mumbled, "but I'm sorry too, Mike." His eyes flicked uncertainly to his best friend as he spoke. 

"It's okay guys, I'm happy for you," Mikey said genuinely. With a touch of sadness, he added, "I just don't really understand why you told Jack and Brook but not me."

"I didn't tell them," Rye growled.

"They worked it out," I interjected, "and I didn't want to tell you without Rye's knowledge."

"Had no problem keeping the others secret from me, though," Rye muttered. 

Mikey sensed the tension between us. "Do you two want to be alone?" 

"That might be for the best," I answered, shooting him an apologetic look, "sorry."

"All good. Have the room. But, uh, for the record, I love you both. And I'm happy if you're happy."

"Thanks Mike," I said hugging him, feeling genuine relief. Mikey forced a hug upon Rye as well, who after a second's hesitation, hugged him back. 

"Doesn't change anything, yeah?" Mikey told Rye, gripping his face as he soothed his unspoken fears. Rye nodded numbly. 

I looked at him once we had the room, seated against the wall on the bed, knees drawn up to his chest. His face was still, only his brown eyes hinting at the internal battle he was masking. 

I thought about what Jack said, how soon one of our fights would break us for good. I had refuted him, believing too much in the love I had for Rye, that I knew he felt for me too. But this incident was so small and yet here we were. Were we really this fragile?

"We're a mess." I stated matter-of-factly.  

"You hate mess," he smirked half-heartedly. 

"We better clear it up then," I responded.

"Yeah, guess you're getting your talk after all," Rye grimaced.

"That was my plan," I joked. 

We fell into silence for a beat. Neither of us were sure who or where to start. 

"So Brook and Jack?" he questioned. 

"Brook's seen through everything the whole time," I explained to him, "and then Jack cottoned on and Brook confirmed it to him. I didn't give them any details." I looked at him guiltily, "I should have told you they knew, but you were adamant about staying quiet. I guess I was worried about scaring you off- rightly so apparently." 

Rye nodded, taking the information in. "Why did Jack seem so pissy about it?" he asked.

"He's angry about something else. Long story." I sighed. 

"I should probably hear it. No more secrets," Rye said decidedly, "but in the meantime, I think I can forgive you. I'll stay in the house." 

I was happy to hear him say this, which was why my own response shocked me. 

"Maybe you should go," the words left my mouth as a sad realisation filled me. 

"Sorry?" Rye frowned.

"Maybe space is a good idea." I reiterated, seeing my reasons with more clarity now. 

"But I'm not mad," Rye argued. 

"Yeah, but you were ready to walk out on us barely five minutes ago. If you're this easily scared off maybe we do have stuff to think about." I hated to say it, but I couldn't keep going through this with him. I couldn't tiptoe around him, terrified making the tiniest wrong move and upsetting him. He had too much power over my heart, could too easily break me. 

"Andy-" he choked, "what are you saying?"

"I can't keep doing this, Rye," I admitted helplessly, "losing you and getting you back. I love you too much. It fucking kills me every time this happens."

"I hate it too. I don't want to lose you." He said in a trembling voice. He moved up closer to me and grabbed both my hands in his, leaning his forehead against mine. I couldn't help but feel dizzy as his shallow breaths tickled my chin. I let his mouth meet mine in a slow sorrowful kiss. 

"This sucks," I breathed as our wet lips parted.  

"I'm sorry for overreacting," he apologised, looking at me with pleading eyes, "I'm still getting used to this."

"I know, it's all happened so fast," I agreed. "Which is why we need a break to think about if this is what you really want."

"I want you," he said, voice cracking. 

"I know we're attracted to each other," I reasoned, "and that's great. But do you really want a relationship with a boy? Your bandmate? It's a risk and we both need to be all in for it to work." 

Rye couldn't find an answer for a while. "I don't know. I don't always know how to deal with it, but I've had feelings for ages..." 

"I get it," I told him, getting up, "I'll see you in a few days or something."

I walked out of the room. I knew this was the right decision. Jack had been right, Rye was fickle and insecure and I had to make sure this risk would pay off for the band. I knew I was protecting my heart. All the same, it felt like it was breaking. 

A/N: Thank you all so much for over 1k reads! I literally didn't expect anyone to see this book. I took a little longer to update after the recent drama got me a bit shook, but now I think some Randy might be exactly what we need right now 😂

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