Something More | Randy

chapter twenty-two | fragile

"I was scared to tell you they knew because I knew you'd react like this," I croaked through the now freely flowing tears, "but I have never intentionally broken your trust. Give up if you want or find me if you want to talk." Unable to speak anymore, I felt the familiar woozy sensation of panic about to set it. I rushed from the room before I broke down in front of him. 

***

Everything was black, but I was vaguely aware of a soft mattress beneath me, the feeling of a hand squeezing mine, and the light touch of fingers running through my hair. 

"You're alright, mate," a muffled but familiar voice soothed. My eyes wouldn't open, but I clutched the hand tighter. 

"Is he still out?" another voice asked from further away. The voice tugged on my heartstrings, stirring a reaction I couldn't place. 

"Yeah, but he's coming back. He squeezed my hand." This time as the first voice spoke, a name floated to the front of my mind. Mikey. 

"Has he got his inhaler?" The other voice demanded. It was him. I yearned for him to come closer but again felt an uneasy mix of emotions rise up as he spoke. 

"Yeah, it's right here." Mikey replied. 

The fingers continued in my hair, and the touch was a comfort. But I was scared. I needed him. 

"Rye.." the words come out as barely a whisper. 

"What did he say?" Rye demanded. 

"He said Rye," Mikey responded gently, "he wants you to come over here."

"I can't-" I heard Rye's weak response.

"Give over, mate, I don't care. He needs you. Be mad later." Mikey chided. 

My heartbeat increased and I felt a fresh surge of adrenaline course through my system. Was he walking out?

But then the bed dipped next to me and a body of a familiar shape and smell came up beside mine. His arm wrapped around me securely, the way it always did when I needed to feel safe. As with those other times, despite the fears being everything to do with him, his presence instantly calmed me. How could one person be all my pain and pleasure- my hazards and my safety- all at once?

"Rye?" I snuggled into him.

"I'm here," he breathed into my ear. Those words were apparently enough to drain out some of the anxieties pinning me down. Blearily, I opened my eyes. 

"Where are we?" I asked when I didn't immediately see a familiar bedroom layout. 

"My room," Mikey answered, "I caught you about to collapse in the hallway. You had a panic attack." He informed me. 

"Shit." I replied, the memories flooding back in, filling me with embarrassment. Even though I wanted to stay securely in Rye's arms, I remembered how angry he was with me, how he probably didn't want to be babying me right now. My pride forced me to leave his grip and sit up on Mikey's bed. Rye's arm that was around me dropped to rest in my lap.  

"You alright?" Rye asked.

"Do you need anything?" Mikey offered with concern. Their worry sparked guilt in me. Neither of them had a reason to be nice to me right now. 

"I'm sorry," I apologised to the general room. 

"It's not your fault you collapsed," Mikey responded kindly, squeezing my hand again. 

"No, not that. I'm sorry we didn't tell you." I saw Rye swallow next to me as he looked at Mikey with nervous eyes. 

"Oh, that's okay," Mikey said awkwardly, "I mean I suspected that night...and Rye's monstrous hickey the other day was a bit of a giveaway," he grinned sheepishly. I saw Rye go bright red and I felt another surge of guilt. He probably now thought that was all part of my plan to expose us before he was ready.