Sanders Sides One Shots

The Breaking Point (pt.1/2)

Roman sat alone, looking down at his trembling hands as his eyes filled with tears. His heartbeat was ringing loudly in his ears, drowing out any other sound around him.

No matter what anyone said to him, he knew one thing was true. He was alone. And he always would be.

And there was no one to blame. He was such an ass. He was a self centered, arrogant, annoying presence, and he could never escape from his mistakes. He made Virgil duck out for Christ sake! Who does that?!

Roman knew that it was all in the past, but he couldn't help but hold himself accountable. He was so horrible to such a vulnerable side... and he knew fully well that his words stung. He just didn't care. It doesn't get worse than that.

Shakily, he wiped his tears away. Throughout time, Roman did change. He had been on his best behavior, kinder, gentler, quieter... but in his mind it still wasn't enough.

He felt like everyone was now just using him. If he ever snapped, they'd tell him he's being insensitive again, that he hadn't learned anything for someone who's fucked up a whole lot.

Roman tried to his best abilities to avoid that. He barely even feels like himself anymore, but if it ws making the other's happy... he could live with being treated like garbage.

He deserved it, after all, didn't he?

It was 5 am, and he was trying to keep himself together. Sleep didn't come easy anymore, but it was nothing concealer couldn't fix.

There was a soft knock at the door.

He froze. Swallowing nervously, he watched as the door slowly opened. He quickly hunched himself over his desk, turning his back to the door and pretending not to notice.

"...Roman?" A groggy voice called out. It was Virgil, and he sounded half awake at best. Roman didn't move, tears landing on the dark wood desk in front of him. "Yeah...?" He was thankful his voice didn't shake.

"What are you doing up so early? I got up to piss and I saw your light on..." Virgil said, stepping inside.
"Oh- uh- nothing!" He said, adding fake cheer to his voice, "Just... brainstorming! A prince has duties!" He said, chuckling nervously.

Virgil walked over and peered over his shoulder. He was instantly confused, "But- there's nothing open- dude your desk is wet-" he pulled down his sleeve to wipe away the water before realizing what they were. Eyes widening, he looked up at Roman, who was squeezing his eyes shut as tears continued to escape.

Virgil gasped softly, "Roman?! What's wrong?" He asked, suddenly wide awake. Roman shook his head, "N-nothing... I'm fine... I just... um... it's really nothing just... s-stress..." "This doesn't look like nothing... I can tell Logan to go easier on you..." Virgil offers, worried and almost uncomfortable.

"No!" Roman exclaims immediately. He was afraid that he'd be told he wasn't working hard enough. He was doing his best... and if he was told it wasn't good enough... he didn't know if he was strong enough to take it. "No no no don't do that please don't do that I'm fine... just go back to bed..."

A few moments passed. Virgil felt awkward. He didn't know what to do. It was clear Roman wasn't okay, it what was he to do if he won't tell him what's wrong? He didn't want to pry, but he felt like a shit friend either way.

"Um... okay... I'm... uh... here for you..." he said awkwardly, hugging him very quickly and leaving the room, quietly closing the door.

Roman dropped his head onto his desk, finally letting his sobs out. He knew he was pushing them away... but deep down... he was just afraid that someone would see through him and hate him the same way he hated himself.

And even still, in a strange way, he wished someone would.

-{}-
Ahhhhhhh i cant write angst i dont know where i was going with this im sorry ive made such a shit comeback but theres gonna be a part two aight lit feels good to be back you all are so amazing and caring and wonderful and i love you all k byyyyyeeee