Perfectly Mean

Occasionally

He sat in a chair, nervously wringing his hands and glancing around fearfully. What was it that made him so afraid? Could it be that he simply didn't want to talk to her? That he was intimated by a one on one conversation? Was there something more that she was missing?

"So, tell me, Hayden. How was school this week?" It seemed best to talk about a less personal topic first.

"It was good."

"I remember you mentioned there was a special art project going on. Did you enjoy it?"

He nodded.

"And did your math test go well?"

He nodded again.

Gail pursed her lips. This was so strange. Hayden was shy, and she knew he was, but why was he more open when other people were around? When he had first come, she had monitored him closely due to the fact that he was suicidal, but she hadn't seen any signs of it. She had never had a teen patient interested in going to school.

Things weren't adding up. In most cases, patients who were suicidal and/or self-harming would do everything to stay secluded in their rooms, but Hayden didn't seem to mind being with everyone else. In most cases, patients would be more talkative with her and not the other members of the household, but Hayden was just the opposite.

Other than being shy, sensitive, and hurting from the pain his family had experienced, there didn't seem to be anything wrong with this boy. It was just so confusing. Hayden's father had expressed worry in the fact that there was something seriously wrong with his son's mental state, and had tried all kinds of therapy before her help. He had been described as "depressed" but hadn't uttered a negative word in the entire time he'd been with them.

"Hayden, why do you think you are here?" She asked suddenly, almost more for the purpose of satisfying her own curiosity.

He shrugged. "Cause there's something wrong with me, I guess."

"What do you think that something is?"

"I tried to kill myself."

Gail hesitated. He'd said it so bluntly it took her by surprise. "Why?"

"It...seemed better than...than everything else going on in my life."

"And at the time, what was the 'everything else?'"

"Well, there was my mom...and after her they took Cabella, and I was in a lot of physical pain, so it seemed like the better option."

"Was it?"

He shook his head, staring at the floor.

Gail smiled gently. "I can promise you one thing, Hayden. Suicide is never the better option. You don't deserve it. Ever."

He nodded solemnly, still staring at his feet. Everyone told him that, but he still didn't believe it. The world would likely be better off without him. What was the point to staying anyway? He knew suicide was no escape, but the idea was still somehow inviting.

Gail knew it was time to change the subject. She wasn't sure if she wanted to probe deeper into the topic of self-harm just yet. Hayden obviously regretted it. "I take it you and Ava got along last night?"

"Yeah."

At least she'd gotten a verbal response. Not quite what she was looking for, but it was better than nothing. "I hope she's treating you nicely. Please tell me if she's not."

"She's nice to me. Bossy, but nice." Occasionally. Ava wasn't always nice to him, but it was guaranteed to get worse if he told Gail about it.