His Dark Words

24 | Saying Goodbye

Everything feels so incomplete. Like I ran half a race and then just gave up. Exams are done, school has almost broken up, I should have this overwhelming sense of accomplishment, of freedom, but I don't. I don't know why these last few days matter to me. It's not like I'd be missing anything important. Maybe it's because I never found Book-Boy, never righted any wrongs or did anything really worth doing. In the end I was no awe-inspiring, avenging goddess like Macie. I was just Harlow. Little mouse Harlow who wanted to do so much but ended up just making things worse.

The film, my film sits in the middle of my desk. It's useless now but I couldn't bring myself to throw it away. There is a scrap of torn paper I've taped to it that reads: Moments of Sky by Harlow Riley. It's the only thing I ever made that wasn't an essay or a macaroni picture. I guess I could leave it here, have it collect dust until Fall comes round again. Or maybe I'll convince my mom to have us stay down in Florida for good? We can just leave the house, everything just as it is and never come back. It will be its own everlasting memorial to Harlow Riley and the one thing she ever made. Just like my Dad's room full of empty shells.

My bag is packed and already in the car. My mom is downstairs making PB&J sandwiches for the plane and I'm waiting for Vanessa. She's late, of course, but she doesn't have a plane to catch, so I guess it's not a high priority for her.

I'm watching for her at my window when I suddenly see her sprint into view. I smile and dash down to meet her.

"Stupid... Bus..." She pants. "How do you do that every morning?"

"What do you mean?" I laugh, leading her into the kitchen and pouring her some water.

"Got on the wrong bus..." She explains, downing the glass. "Ran back to the stop... Missed the next bus... Ran to the next stop... Might as well have run the whole way here!"

"Well, I'm glad you made it. It would've sucked to leave without seeing you."

She holds up a bag full of candy, and jiggles it so it rattles noisily. "Leaving party!"

We head upstairs, dump all the candy out onto my bed and attack it, intent on stuffing our faces as full as possible before I have to leave.

"I can't believe you're going!" Vanessa says through a mouth full of Hershey's. "There were so many things I wanted us to do this summer."

"I suppose you can do them with Derrick or Alex."

She shakes her head solemnly. "Not the same." 

I look at her and, in that moment, I feel a rush of love for her; in that stupid, heart-warming, drunken way that you can only feel when you know you won't be seeing someone for a long, long time.

"I know..."

"But Florida... That'll be great... I mean, oranges... Old people, what's not to love?"

I smile. "Yeah I suppose so. I'll miss you of course but I'm starting to think maybe my mom was right. It's been a shitty year."

"The shittiest." She nods in total agreement.

"And hey, maybe you can come down for a week or something? We could go do Disney?" The idea is a sudden, bright inspiration.

Vanessa's face lights up. "That... Sounds... Amazing! I wonder if I can convince Derrick to come down too? And Alex of course."

I make a face.

"Oh yeah, I forgot... You guys didn't make up?"

I shake my head. "He came over yesterday, but I just couldn't face him."