never have i ever ➣ joey trotta

9

Chapter 9: Trouble In Paradise

my feet dangled off of my bed as i kicked them aimlessly. 'my girl' by the temptations played softly in the background as joey and i laid next to each other, staring up at my ceiling with curiosity. we had just received our first 'sex talk' at school, and we were still in our awkward not-yet-pubescent teenage years. "you know, i think you're real pretty..." he mumbled, turning his head to the side but i refused to meet his gaze from how embarrassed i was.

"uh, thanks." i ran my tongue across my braces, a red tint flushing my cheeks. "i'm not gonna have sex with you..." i awkwardly disclosed.

he visibly slumped over, losing confidence. "oh." all day the boys had been trying to secure who they were going to lose their virginity to, because our teacher had made it out to be a very big deal. "what about when we're older? you know... 'cause it's convenient..." he made sad excuses and i just felt plain bad for the boy so i agreed.

"sure, i guess." i blushed, kissing his cheek.

after finishing my dramatic flashback, i'm brought back into reality by a deep voice yelling at me. "you told her? y'know she's going to tell everyone now, right?" he aggressively shouts at me, trying to make himself out to be a victim when he knows damn well that he's in the wrong. i didn't think he was that selfish, but i also didn't think that he'd hook up with kelsey.

"you had sex with her!" i scream back, not even attempting to dispute the fact that i told her; which i didn't. "you fucking had sex with her!" i can feel myself on the brink of tears, and i try my absolute hardest to hold them back for as long as possible.

he sighs heavily, leaning against the doorframe in defeat. for the first few seconds he makes no attempt to apologize or even explain himself, he just stares into the distance with a dazed look. my bottom lip quivers, attempting desperately not to cry in front of him. "look, i'm sorry, okay?—"i don't even give him a chance to finish before i'm chewing him up again; i don't think i've ever been this livid at a human being.

"we made a deal when we were thirteen years old. does that mean nothing to you? god, you're pathetic," i roll my eyes, which allows a tear to escape incidentally. but as soon as one falls, a whole waterfall follows. i turn away from him so he doesn't the satisfaction of watching me cry.

i get it, it's a silly little deal that we made when we were thirteen years old about a subject that we had no idea of at the time. but for some reason, it really hit home when joey betrayed our promise. i know that i'm overreacting, but it means the world to me that he keeps his promises. "it does! it means everything to me, i just—" he starts, but i cut him off again.

"clearly it doesn't, joey. if it did, we wouldn't be having this argument right now." my statement comes out a lot less passionate than the rest of them, so i take it as i'm calming down. however, whenever i think about the reason we're having this argument in the first place, it riles me up all over again. "i'm gonna go and have sex with phil now. because fuck our deal, right? who cares about loyalty and trust? not me! not you! not us!"

"would you calm down? i—" he doesn't get another word in before i'm talking over him.

"no, joey. i don't wanna speak to you. not now, not ever. so leave me the hell alone." i glare at the wall in front of me. i expect him to stay and reason with me, but instead i hear heavy footsteps and a door slam.

minutes later, a much calmer aura enters the room with a soft click of the door behind them. i try to mask my sobs but it's not use. besides, people probably heard every word of our argument from halls down. "you okay, honey?" violet's soothing voice echoes through the dorm as she wraps her arms around my shoulders comfortingly.

"yeah, i'm okay," i sniffle, holding back more tears that want so desperately to fall. she sits me down on the bed, lying next to me in a soothing silence.

__________

i've decided that the best thing for us right now is probably to have a civilized discussion, so i'm walking slowly over to joey's dorm, trying to convince myself that this truly is what needs to happen. i enter the room without knocking, peering up at his still body on the top bunk. i crawl up wordlessly, still kind of mad but a little less now that i've had a chance to cool down. i straddle his waist, receiving no objection from the boy beneath me.

his hands remain at my pelvic bone, maintaining the comfortable silence between us. it's clear that he's in pain, but knowing him he would never say anything. he's way too concerned about being perceived as a wuss to voice something like that. my hands carefully cup his cheeks, being cautious not to touch any of the bruised spots. my finger lightly traces over his eyebrow that has a mediocrely deep cut on it. he flinches away, wincing from the pain. "just let me see it, baby," i mumble softly.

he sighs, relaxing his facial muscles. i trace a finger around the purple ring that's formed at his cheekbone. "are you mad at me?" he asks shyly, squeezing my hips when i touch a spot that seems to be more sensitive than the others. i exhale, squeezing my eyes shut. i am mad, but i really don't want to talk to him about it. there's no other explanation other than the fact that i'm just plain jealous.

"yes. but i'm not discussing it while we're high on ecstasy." i state. god, why am i such a coward? i feel like it's been established that we both have feelings for one another but yet i'm still too much of a pussy to admit it. i sobered up hours ago and i can tell that joey's high has been gone for a while now.

he smirks, opening up his eyes slowly. "neither of us are high anymore," he chuckles dryly, pushing a small strand of hair behind my ear. i can only imagine how disheveled i look right now. it's been a long ass night and to be honest i can't wait for it to be over.

"you've always been afraid of confrontation," he shoots me a small, reminiscent smile. by now, both of his hands have moved from my lower abdomen up to my jaw, caressing it with the pads of his thumbs. i don't really have anything to say because it's true. he uses the last ounces of his strength to lean forward and connect our lips.

i'm not too shocked by the kiss, so i almost immediately mirror his actions. i try my best to convey how i'm feeling without having to use verbal communication, and i think it's working because i can sense how sorry he is. i pull apart slightly, staring directly into his chocolate brown eyes that suddenly seem so soft and welcoming; even with the scars and bruises scattering his face. "i'm just afraid you'll hate me," i open up.

he grins at my face that's been heated up from embarrassment. "what if i told you i could never hate you?" he pecks the corner of my mouth. i melt into his smooth ways, unable to keep secrets from the brown-haired boy.

i go in for one last kiss, reassuring myself that if he does end up hating me, i at least got to kiss him this one last time. he parts from my mouth, but still remaining at a very close distance. "well, i'm mad that you hooked up with kelsey," i blurt out, mentally cringing at my gutsy actions. my cheeks burn from embarrassment and i'm dreading looking at him.

once i do, i realize that he's giggling. "no shit, sherlock. i'm asking you to elaborate."

i breathe out, most of the weight being lifted off of my shoulders. "we're not together or anything, but i guess it just hurts because i figured we had some sort of thing going on. i don't know, maybe i'm just being jealous." i sigh, feeling a little better. "it just irks me because you know i hate her. plus, it doesn't help that we promised each other when we were thirteen..." i rant.

"well, if it makes you feel any better, i regret it." he advises, sighing at his pervious actions.

i give him a lopsided smile, "not really." i chuckle breathily, hoping to lighten the mood at least a little.

he cracks a small smile, biting his bottom lip softly. "stay with me tonight?"