No Name | Completed

Chapter 59 - Dessen Siblings

"No," I said louder. "No Dad, I refuse to cry. I'm okay."

It thundered, louder this time and an unwelcome sob escaped me. "No." I could hear myself. My voice was shaky, guttural even. Like something ugly was coming. 

Breathing hard, I struggled to contain whatever it was that was trying to break out. I'm okay. We're okay. Jesse and I are okay. Dad was okay. 

My breaths were coming faster and I shook my head as I stared at the rough waves breaking against the shore. The rain began to pour and my lip quivered. Everything suddenly seemed louder, even my heartbeat was roaring in my ears. I swallowed a sob and allowed the rain to run down my face, forcing my hair against my cheeks. It was too much. It was too loud. There was too much going on here. I needed to get away. 

I moved as quickly as I could down the steps and hopped onto the first platform. I was about to jump over the railing and back into the sand, but my foot caught on something.

I came crashing down into the splintered wood, my hands and knees painfully catching me, my face an inch away from the railing. 

"Fuck!" I shrieked in pain. I fell onto my thigh, releasing my knees from their agony, but the pain was enough of a distraction for the flood deep inside of me to escape. The tears poured down my face, mixing with the rain and the panic inside me was welling. No, this couldn't happen. 

Inspecting my scraped and bloody hands, I sobbed. 

"Great," I murmured through my sobs. "Great!" I screamed. 

My hands fell to my sides and I let my head fall back, the rain washing away the endless flow of tears. 

"No, I can't," I begged myself one last try, but it was clawing its way out. Like an animal devouring its prey, my sobs wracked through my body. Suddenly the pain of my fall was nothing.

"Why you?" I asked the fury of the thunderstorm.

"I need you," I sobbed. "I can't do this anymore."

My chin fell to my chest and I could do nothing more to hold it back. What was numb last night seemed to be hunting me today.

The memories were too much, they hit me one after the other, making the deep grief come out in strangled cries. 

"You touch her, I'll kill you," his smile fell and Carter took a step back.

"Dad!"

He turned and winked at me, but his stoic expression returned when he faced Carter again. 

Dad. No.

His eyes widened when Mom left the basement. 

"Ohh, you're in trouble," he sang, his blue eyes glinting with humor.

In disbelief, my jaw dropped. "So are you," I shot back.

He chuckled and backed out of the room. 

"Dad!" I stood and chased after him.

Please.

"Jared is a jerk," I huffed and sat on the couch next to him. Peering over his reading glasses, he smirked. 

"Jared is your brother."

I stared at him. 

"Okay," he shut his book and looked off in speculation for a moment before an idea visibly crossed his features. "Jared is a boy."

I rolled my eyes and whispered idiots while he chuckled. 

"God, no," I whispered through my crying and held my hands to my face.