His Death Awakened Me (BoyxBoy)

Chapter 13: Out in the Open

"You'll never understand," I said, quieter this time. My dad's face softened slightly. He sighed. "You know what Dad? It doesn't matter. I'm trying to come to terms with what happened and I'm realizing things and I don't expect you to understand," I shrugged.

"Realizing what?" He asked softly. I looked down at my shaky hands. Glancing back at Sean, who gave me an encouraging look, I gathered all the strength I could. I took a deep breath, contemplating how to word it. I grabbed Sean's hand and yanked him up, startling him.

"I'm gay," I said flatly without looking up. I heard my mom make a small sound. Sean squeezed my hand tightly. It felt like an eternity before someone spoke again.

"You're...what!?" Mom spluttered. I summoned the courage to look up, bracing myself for the worst. My Dad's expression was unreadable, and my Mom looked completely confused.

"I know," Dad finally said knowingly, his tone was completely calm and collected. I shuddered at the sound of his voice. Did he hate me for it?

"Jake," mom stood up, "honey you're confused," she said. I looked at her.

"I'm not confused," I said, my voice surprisingly calm. Dad turned towards her now.

"Samantha," he said slowly. She snapped her head towards him.

"You knew!?" She asked exasperatedly. He nodded his head.

"No. Jake likes Kim." She said, looking back at me. "This is ridiculous. Jake honey, I know you've been having a hard time, and that Sean as helped comfort you, but this..it's just a phase," she gestured to Sean and I holding hands.

"Samantha!" Dad exclaimed. I shook my head.

"No mom. Sean means more to me than I realized. Now that I think about it, we've always been there for each other, it just took us a little while to realize what we meant to each other," I turned and smiled at him. A small smile tugged at the corners of his mouth. He was blushing slightly. How cute.

"Jake, you can't just decide to be gay for your best friend," she shook her head.

"I'm not just decidin-"

"Yes you are!" She cut in. "You're doing this because..." She waved her hands around, "I don't know because you've lost your brother and maybe you're afraid of losing your friend and you're looking for someone to show you some affection. You're hurting right now."

"You don't know what I'm feeling mom!" I snapped, growing angrier with each word she said.

"Honey I'm not trying to upset you. I'm just saying that sometimes when we lose someone in our lives we start acting out and doing crazy things," she said sincerely, obviously believing herself completely.

"Collin knew," I announced. My dad stumbled a big and my mom scowled.

"What do you mean he knew?" She said, narrowing her eyes at Sean and I.

"He knew before I did myself," I replied, "He told me so." I remembered those last moments in the car, and the last day I'd spent with Collin. He totally knew. I didn't even want to admit or realize it about myself but Collin saw it. He knew I was gay.

"Jake, you're just confused," she started, trying to explain that away.

"Samantha that's enough," Dad interjected.

"Nick please. He's confused. He's not gay. It's just a phase. It's his fault," she pointed at Sean. He looked away quickly, trying to keep me from seeing the hurt in his eyes.

"Don't you dare blame him," I stepped closer to her, my voice low. "Don't you dare." I pointed my finger at her.

"Samantha I can't believe you!" Dad snapped. "Sean is the sweetest boy, he's always been there and-"

"I don't want to hear it Nick! He did this!" Mom yelled back. I rolled my eyes and shook my head. Sean tugged my hand. I looked at his face and saw the tears running down his cheeks. It broke my heart.

"C'mon," I said, pulling him towards the door. I put my shoes on while he did the same, my parents still yelling at each other in the living room. Apparently they hadn't noticed our exit. We slipped out the door, silently walking to the car. Sean got in and started the engine while I leaned my head back against the headrest, sighing deeply.

"I'm sorry," I told him, my voice catching.

"You have nothing to apologize for Jake. Okay?" He replied, leaning over and pecking my lips before backing out. "Your parents will figure it out. It just might take some time."

He was being strong for me I could tell, but I knew him well enough to know that inside he was crushed by what my mom had said to him. I wracked my brain, thinking of something, anything I could do to help him feel better.

We pulled back into his driveway and got out of the car wordlessly. I wrapped my arm around his waist as we walked back to the house, even though my cast still made it somewhat annoying to walk. I couldn't wait to get that damn thing off.

Once inside, we both realized Sean's mom wasn't back from her lunch yet, so we kicked off her shoes and I led him to the couch. I was being strong for him this time. He had helped me so many times.

"Hey, you okay?" I asked him, searching his face. He relaxed a little.

"Yeah. I just feel bad." He replied. I hugged him tightly, pressing myself as close to him as I possibly could.

"Don't. It's her. Not you," I said, kissing the side of his head. "I don't blame you for anything. You're the best thing that's happened to me." I felt him smile.

"I love you Jake."

"I love you too Sean." I didn't want to untangle myself from him. I pulled back a little though to look at him. "Do you wanna do something, go somewhere?" I asked. I wanted to get his mind off what my mom had said. Strangely, I wasn't too worried about them like I thought I would be. I was more upset about her saying what she did to Sean than anything.

"No. I just wanna be with you," he said sweetly. It was like music to my ears. I sat next to him on the couch and turned the T.V. on. He laid his head on my shoulder and I could hear him sigh. I wrapped and arm around his waist. There was no place I'd rather be.

* * * *

"Hey boys," Sean's mom greeted as she closed the door behind her.

"Hey," we both answered at the same time. Sean had nearly fallen asleep before his mom came in. She set her keys down and regarded me for a moment.

"So how'd it go?" She asked gently. I shrugged.

"Dad seems to be alright. My mom thinks it's just a phase." I glanced at Sean.

"She'll come around," Kristen replied, looking hopeful. My expression hardened.

"Did something else happen?" She inquired cautiously. I sighed, not even wanting to have to tell her. I felt so bad.

"She thinks it's my fault," Sean said, his voice catching a little. Kristen's eyebrows shot up.

"What?" She asked, doing a double take. I looked at her sadly. "Are you kidding me!?" She asked, her eyes burning in anger. I slowly shook my head. Oh shit, I thought.