Nothing but scars

1.

I walk over to the mirror in my room. It has a blanket thrown over the reflective glass, that way I don't have to see them. Occasionally on the rare occasion I allow myself the courage to nudge the blanket to the side. Not all the way, maybe just enough to see a leg or an arm. But never the full image. I refuse to even think about what it might look like. I look at the covered mirror in front of me, it's cold atmosphere mocking me. I know the glass behind the blanket will reveal the horrible truth I try so hard to fix. Thought today I don't have the courage or the interest to look. So I just stand the staring at the blanket that keeps me safe. Then after a few minutes I turn back to my bed and pull together a quick outfit. Long sleeve t-shirt, skinny jeans, high tops and a baseball cap. I have my hair running down my shoulders to the middle of my waits. I consider straightening it or even curling it but in the end i just leave it as it's ragged straight state. I don't wear makeup. I used to, just not anymore because I used to do my makeup in the covered up mirror. I fiddle with my outfit a little more and pull my sleeves over my hands and grips them there tightly with my fists clenched.

I run downstairs where my mum and brother are sat eating their breakfast. My mum looks up at me and gives me a weak but friendly smile, though she knows that I struggle to do the same so she never expects one back. I look over at my brother who's looking intensely at a newspaper. I start to wonder if he even knows I'm in the room right now because he hasn't even looked up to acknowledge me.
"Connor?" I mumble. He jumps and looks over at me anxiously. He sighs and folds the paper up and throws it calmly in a cupboard under the counter. I know why he does this immediately, he doesn't want me to see what their saying. He's scared that any dramatic story will bring up bad memories for me. I'm glad that I have him there to protect me, but I'm scared for when he goes off to college soon. I don't want him to go, but I also don't want o be the reason he stays here.
"Morning munchkin." He says in his normal chipper tone. I laugh silently, though I don't have a smile to match. But like always he knows, he knows I love his jokes and he knows how much he means to me.
"So any plans for you two today?" I ask opening the fridge and fishing out a carton of juice.
"Just looking at more colleges." Mum says sounding exhausted but happy at the same time.
"Let me guess your gonna be at work for the whole day?" Connor laughs.
"Yep." I sigh taking a sip of my juice. I look at my watch and realise I'm already running late. I grab my bag and rush out the door completely forgetting to even say goodbye to either of them. I rushed over to my small little white car and drove off the driveway and started to make my way to the local pub I work at.

I've known the owner of the pub since I was little, they were close friends with my mum so they were always round ours or we were always round theirs. Steve I've known the longest. He's like a father to me, he was their when I learnt to ride a bike and he came to every event I ever had at school, even parents evening cause he knew I sometimes got upset that my dad was gone for work. My dad travels the world and I keep in contact with him but its hard to keep track of time zones and places after a while. I see my dad at birthdays and holidays though sometimes there's not always a guarantee, but I'm fine with Steve. Then there's his wife Eleanor. She's nice and she looks young, I mainly go to her if I'm having a rough time at school or if I have something I don't want to talk to Connor or my mum about. She's just one of those people who won't judge you for not always being perfect and thats what I love about her. Though the best part is when she tells Steve off for something in front of me because he has this really embarrassed look on his face and I always used to laugh. Now not so much. But I still have a good time with them. They know what happened and thats why they let me work here without even a second thought to it. They knew I would feel more comfortable here and this way they could look out for me and take me upstairs, to their apartment, if it all started to get a little too much for me.

I mainly work in the kitchen preparing all of the food and sometimes I even help make it. I don't ever really work on the bar and serve people face to face unless its really busy and Steve and Eleanor are really understaffed. Though they both seem quite happy with the fact that I prefer to stay behind in the kitchen. Sometimes they even give me some of the left over ingredients so I can take them home and make a nice meal for Connor and my mum, though soon it'll just be me and mum. But thats fine. Its not like I'll never see Connor again, he'll come back for the holidays and even possibly take time off to see me on my birthday.