Rewrite The Stars

Zabdiel Rodriguez

Intermittent explosive disorder (sometimes abbreviated as IED) is a behavioral disorder characterized by explosive outbursts of anger and violence, often to the point of rage, that are disproportionate to the situation at hand (e.g., impulsive screaming triggered by relatively inconsequential events).

I keep on staring at my phone.

I stare at the picture of Addison and me.

I just hurt Addison.
I hurt my boyfriend..

Why do I have to have this Mental Disorder??!! Why can't I just be normal??!

I hear a knock on my door and mom enters with my medicine.

"How are you feeling honey??" Mom smile.

"I'm fine" I try to calm myself.

"did you talk to Addison??" She smiles.

"I don't think he wants to talk to me at all" I try to smile.

"oh I'm sure he wants to talk to you" she smiles.

"after what happened?? I don't think so" I sigh.

"what happened is not your fault Zabdiel" Mom sigh.

"I punched him, I hurt him. It was me. So it's my fault" I sigh.

"But honey-"

"Mom please just leave me alone!" my voice start to raise but I calm myself down.

"okay. We made an appointment with Dr. Silvera... Be ready by four okay??" She smiles as she walks outside my room.

I sigh as I walk towards my table and drink my medicine.

I really hope Addison is alright.

I want to call him so bad. To check if he's alright.

But I'm ashamed.

I'm too ashamed of what I've done.
I could have killed him.. I'm a terrible person.

~~~•~~~•~~~•~~~•~~~•~~~•~~~•~~~•~~~

Dad is driving me on my way to a Doctor's appointment.

I really thought I'm done with my whole therapy bullshit.

"I really don't get why I still have to go see a therapist. It feels like I'm in some kind of private talk show" I sigh.
"Zabdiel you need to understand that we need to monitor your mental health" Dad sigh.

"I'm fine dad!" I argue.

"I know; I know" Dad sigh.

He pulls over in front of Dr. Silvera's clinic.

"Let's go??" Dad smile.

I nod and I get out of the car.

We get inside the clinic and get inside the room where Dr. Silvera is waiting for me.

Dad is waiting outside while I sit in front of Dr. Silvera.

"Hi Zabdiel! How are you today??" She smiles.

"I'm fine" I try to smile.

"can you tell me what happened??" She smiles.

And so begins my Therapy.

I tell everything. How I hurt my boyfriend and how I'm torn between wanting to see him and staying away from him.

"Zabdiel you need to know that you're not a monster. You have a mental disorder and we are here to help you get through this" She smile.