mileven season three

before I go

TRIGGER WARNING: this involves suicide, so if this is a trigger in any way, do not read. 

i wrote this listening to listen before I go by billie eilish, so if you want that same experience, listen while you read! thanks for all the votes and comments and views, it means the world! 

Mike leaned against the counter, his hands pressing against the cold porcelain. His eyes were rimmed red, a combination of lack of sleep and the tears that were constantly flowing. He rubbed his eye and flashed his reflection a weak smile. His reflection barely smiled back.

Mike headed into his basement and plopped down in the pile of blankets that once housed his love, El. No matter how many times his mom asked him to clean them up he wouldn't. He left them there, breathing in her scent and hoping for her safe return. He picked up his walkie talkie and tuned it, the static breathing life into the dark room. He twisted the knob until he reached channel eleven. Mike sighed and brought the machine to his mouth.

"Hey, El. It's me, Mike," He said, pausing as his breath hitched in his throat. He turned his attention towards the window, seeing the rain pour down in the dim street light. He continued talking towards the device, "I... I miss you."

Mike set down the walkie talkie and stood up, heading to the bathroom. He bent down on his knees and dug around in the cabinet before standing up empty-handed. He slowly walked up the stairs and into his shared bathroom, repeating the action in front of the cabinet. Finally, he fished out a small box. He shoved it in his pocket and headed down the stairs, reading the calendar as he walked by it.

It had been a year and a half since El went missing. Mike was on a downward spiral. He barely ate and he barely slept, staying awake to stare at the ceiling at night. Sometimes his mother would find him standing outside at night, just staring at the trees. Most nights, when the ceiling wasn't enough for Mike, he would lay on the roof, letting the night sky envelope him. The freezing wind would nip at his fingers, but he barely felt it. He wondered if El where still alive, trying to count the stars in the sky like he was. He would crawl back in through the window and cry himself to sleep. 

 Of course, the boys would try to help him, always inviting him places and keeping him busy. Although Mike agreed and would come along, they knew that he wasn't really there. His mind wandered, spending time back within the week he was with El. He never was truly present. He never really wanted to be present.

Mike headed to the table. He shifted through a stack of papers, failed report cards, incomplete permission slips and messy notes until he found a blank sheet of paper. He picked up the pencil in a shaky hand and began to write, his expression emotionless, but his eyes filled with sorrow. He set the pencil down and left the paper on the desk.

Mike sat back down in the pile of blankets, fumbling with the walkie talkie. He pressed on the button, letting the static turn off, the sound of the heavy rain filling the room. He said nothing but breathed into it before letting the static turn back on. He had waited so long for a response and never got one. Mike was running out of hope. 

"Hey, El." 

El looked up from the book she was reading. She swore the radio just said her name. Setting her book down, she shut her eyes and sank into the void. There was Mike, just like she saw him yesterday. Sad, angry and broken. It pained her so much to keep herself hidden, but she knew she had to. He moved his hands from a small box back to the walkie talkie. 

"El, I miss you so much. I have been trying for so, so long," Mike said, pain lacing his voice, "but I don't know if I can anymore." 

El watched him swallow. He picked up the box and the device and made his way into the bathroom. He sat down on the floor and resumed his speech. 

"El, if you're listening, please let me know. I... I just need to know you're safe, before I go."

El felt her body twitch. Before he goes? Where? She was wildly confused as she listened to him continue. 

"I hope you aren't d-dead. Please don't be dead. If you hear this, please tell my friends I love them and that I'll miss them. Ok?" He asked, tears freely flowing down his freckled cheeks. 

El focused in on what he was doing, watching Mike pull something out of the box, his pale skin contrasting against the deep blackness of the void. 

"I just feel," Mike said, pausing in between sobs, "I just feel like I've been foggy. In a year and a half long headache, ya know? I don't think anybody needs me to mop around anymore, but I just can't help it." 

El felt herself begin to cry. She could feel his pain through the void, something she wasn't used to. 

"So I hope you're safe. Remember to tell Will, Lucas, Dustin, and Max that I love them, ok? And my family, don't forget them either," Mike sniffed, a small laugh at the end. He continued, " El. My sweet El, I miss you so much. Maybe one day we will see each other again. I love you, El. I love you so much." 

El saw something sparkle between his fingertips. She focused on it. She opened her eyes when she realized what it was, her body shaking violently. 

A razor blade. 

El stood up, the items on the table flying across the room. She burst through the door, running through the trees, breaking every one of Hoppers rules. 

"Hey!" Hopper yelled from the porch. El kept running until his booming voice was drowned out in the rain. She kept running until she found the road, unable which way to go. She focused on Mike and his location, feeling his presence pull her in his direction. 

El kept running, her bare feet pressing against the concrete, her hair slicked to her face. She was breathing so heavily, a mix of adrenaline, running and panic. She turned down a road that looked familiar, coming to a huge white house. 

"Oh my god," El said to herself as she came to Mike's house. She ran around the back, slipping in the mud. She quickly stood up, her feet slipping as she opened the door with her mind. She busted through, back into the first place she ever felt safe in. 

"Mike?" She asked, looking around the empty basement, "MIKE?" 

There was no response, so El headed towards the closed door, her hand shaking as she twisted the knob. Nothing worked, so she used her mind to unlock the door. She flung it open and her eyes widened. 

There was Mike, sobbing on the floor. His hand was shaking so hard that he couldn't get the razor blade to go deep enough into his skin. He looked up, his eyes bloodshot as he saw her. He dropped the razor blade and brought his hands to his face, feeling if he was still there. He had no idea if he died and this was just a dream. 

El dropped to her knees, crawling towards Mike. He brought his hands to her face, his bottom lip quivering as he placed a hand on her cheek. 

"El?" He whispered, his chest rising and falling violently. 

"What were you doing?" El asked, holding both of his hands in hers, "What were you doing, Mike?" Her voice was thick with anger and sadness, and Mike couldn't help but cry even harder. 

"I-I-I am so sorry," Mike stuttered, his body curling up against the bathtub. El wrapped her arms around him, feeling his heartbeat race faster than hers had ever been. She feared if she was any later that she wouldn't have been feeling it. 

"I thought you were dead," He whispered into her shoulder. El rocked him back and forth, the familiar feeling of safety returned when she was with him, but this time it wasn't El that needed saving. 

"I'm sorry, I had to stay hidden," El began, but Mike cut her off. 

"You could have let me know you were safe," he sobbed again. El hugged him tighter. 

"I'm sorry. I'm here now, Mike," She said, her fingers running through his hair. 

"Don't leave," Mike whispered, his tears now staining the shoulder of El's shirt. 

"I won't. I'll always be here, ok?" 

"Promise?" Mike asked, putting his hands back on El's face, his fingers gently resting on her cheeks. El smiled and leaned into his hand. 

"Promise."