being lonely | minsung | ✔

03

"Hyung," I cry, the first sob leaving my throat. "They're doing it again."

"Ji? Is everything okay?" my best friend asks, his voice concerned. "Was it about your dad's co-worker again?"

"Y-Yes," I reply, unsteadily. "I don't understand, they were saying terrible things just because he's gay and- I just couldn't take it any longer."

Hyunjin lets out an angry growl, cursing my parents under his breath. My best friend is straight but he fully supports my sexuality. I don't have to hide how I really am when I'm with him, I'm not forced to become someone that I'm not. He's also there for me when my parents become unbearable. Which is often.

"Where are you now?" Hyunjin asks.

"Outside," I reply, my voice strained.

"You can come over Ji," he offers, and I immediately relax. "But my assignment partner is here, I don't know if that bothers you? I can ask him to leave if you-"

"No, it's fine," I quickly tell him, wiping off the tears with the sleeve of my sweater. "I'm just glad to be somewhere else, I don't mind someone being there."

"Okay, I'll see you soon then," Hyunjin says, ignoring a voice that calls out to him in the background. "Be safe Ji, it will be fine."

"I hope so," I deadpan. "See you in a minute, hyung." And then I end the call.

My best friend always sounds so confident when he's telling me things will be fine. But to me, it's like a tunnel with no light; how can things ever get better? My parents want a son with straight A's at school and straight sexuality and I don't fit any of those wishes. Not anymore, at least. It will take years for me to leave home and start my own life where I can be free. And all of those years, I'll have to hide behind a mask that might look like me, but isn't. 

My face looks relatively tear-free as I enter Hyunjin's neighborhood. Tall houses with neatly kept gardens are lined up next to each other along the road, with perfect trees and perfect white picket fences. When I first met Hyunjin, I expected him to be a rich snob. Neighborhoods like this serve a certain image of people, you know? But he is the exact opposite, just like his parents. They are, in fact, really kind and caring and Hyunjin himself is definitely not a boring rich men's kid.

I hesitate for a moment as I stand on the front porch, my fist inches away from the red front door. Am I really fine with someone else being there? I''m a mess right now and I probably look like one, too. What if I embarrass Hyunjin in front of his assignment partner, for having a friend who's a total crybaby? But before I can turn around and leave, the door swings open and Hyunjin appears.

My fist is still frozen mid-air and I quickly let it fall to my side, greeting my best friend with an awkward grin. I don't even feel like smiling but seeing the familiar face of the person who always makes me feel better already takes a bit of the pain away.

"Hey Ji," the boy greets back. "Come in, I already have your favorite drink ready."

His words make me smile softly as I enter his house after him. To have a best friend like Hyunjin to rely on, everyone deserves someone like him. It's the small things that matter, and preparing my favorite drink is definitely a thoughtful gesture.

"Thanks, hyung," I genuinely say as I follow him upstairs to his room. "Where would I've been without you?"

"You'll never find out," the boy shrugs.

As we enter his room, there's a figure bent over Hyunjin's desk, writing away feverishly. The soft scraping of a pen over paper is the only sound in the room, apart from the soft snoring coming from Hyunjin's little dog that's sleeping on his bed.

My best friend hands me a can of vanilla coke and I give him a thankful smile before sitting down on his bed, careful not to wake the dog. That's when the boy behind the desk turns around and I'm met with an all too familiar face.

"Minho hyung, this is Jisung," Hyunjin introduces me. Then he turns to me. "That's Lee Minho, my assignment partner for the English newspaper we have to make. I hope you'll get along since he'll be here more often."

Lee Minho, so that's his name.

"Hey, I know you," Minho states, inspecting my face in a way that gives me chills.

"You do?" Hyunjin asks, obviously surprised.

"Yeah, he was glaring at me during detention because I fell asleep," the raven-haired boy explains with an amused twinkle in his brown eyes.

Momentarily forgetting about what happened just a moment earlier, I shift to defense mode and fold my arms in front of my chest. "I was glaring because you were snoring, which was very distracting."

"My bad Jisung, I didn't know I snore," Minho apologies, sounding surprisingly genuine. "Can I call you Ji, by the way? It sounds cool."

"Only my friends call me that," I reply in a neutral tone, not wanting to come off rude.

"Guess I'll have to become your friend then," the boy concludes, whirling around in the office chair. "My name is Minho, I'm eighteen years old and I'm still in the same year as you and Hyunjin because I have to redo it. Your turn."

I'm a bit taken aback by his laidback and easygoing attitude but I decide to just go with it. Just talking won't hurt, right? It might only help me to get my mind off things I don't want to think about. And maybe, just maybe I can even make another friend. To fight the loneliness I always feel.

"I'm Jisung," I shrug. "Seventeen years old and I don't know what else to say."

Minho lightly taps his chin, thinking about what to say. Meanwhile, Hyunjin plops down onto the mattress next to his dog and picks Kkami up in his arms, watching how our conversation unfolds.

"What brings you here tonight?" the oldest asks after a moment of thinking. "You were quite in a hurry."

"My parents were being asshats again," I reply, anger fueling a harsh tone in my voice.

"Touchy subject?" Minho guesses and I nod. The boy immediately apologies and takes the conversation to a more comfortable subject.

"It's good to see you're getting along," Hyunjin states after a while, seeming relieved. He was probably feeling bad about someone else being here while I obviously needed him. It must be good to see how everything turns out fine.

"He seems like a good kid," Minho shrugs."I might even forgive him for glaring at me today, even though it was quite scary."

"Maybe I'll forgive you for snoring then," I add with a dry laugh. My parents are nearly forgotten as I talk with the two boys. It seems like an interesting evening and I find meself relaxing again.

Even the vanilla coke is still untouched.