Chapter 6 – The (not so) Charming Kingdom
Chapter Notes – In which funny things happen on the way to the palace…
Once they had eaten breakfast, tidied up the tower, and refilled their water flasks at the well, Chris and Darren headed out along the path to the Charming Kingdom. By midmorning they came to a stone bridge spanning a stream. The moment their feet touched the first stone, there was a terrible snarling noise, and something – or someone – clambered up from under the bridge and blocked their path.
Chris clutched onto Darren, trying not to laugh. “Oh my god, this is actually perfect – Sandy Ryerson is the bridge troll!”
“Sandy Ryerson?”
“Yeah – creepy, drug-dealing pedophile. Don’t you remember him from seasons 1 and 2?”
“Vaguely.”
The bridge troll waved his arms menacingly and shouted, “No one crosses my bridge without answering a riddle!”
“No problem. We’re good at riddles.”
“Well, you’d better be. Because you only get one guess. And if you’re wrong, I’m going to eat you,” he growled, eyes raking up and down their bodies in a disturbingly suggestive manner.
Chris inched closer to Darren and whispered, “Don’t blurt out the first thing that comes to mind. We only have one shot, so we have to think this through. Okay?”
Darren nodded.
With a leer, the bridge troll intoned, “I have a stiff shaft. My tip penetrates. I come with a quiver. What am I?”
“Oh my god,” Darren blurted out. “You are such a pervert! What are you doing in a world of children’s stories?”
“You think you know the answer to my riddle, Mr. Dirty Mind?” the bridge troll sneered. “Go ahead and say it, then.”
“Wait!” Chris cried, slapping a hand over Darren’s mouth. “Let me think… A stiff shaft… a tip that penetrates… comes with a quiver… I’ve got it – an arrow!”
“Hmph! You’re no fun,” the bridge troll groused. But he did stand aside to let them pass.
Chris and Darren skipped across the bridge, knocking their shoulders together and laughing. “Who’s the pervert now?” Chris teased. “I see where your mind went.”
“Hey! That guy was so skeevy, you know that’s what he was aiming at.”
“Yeah, well, at least I kept my mind out of the gutter long enough to get us across the bridge.”
YOU ARE READING
The Land of Stories: Gleefully Ever After
FanfictionChris Colfer, bestselling author of The Land of Stories, finds himself (along with Darren Criss, who is unwittingly responsible for this perplexing state of affairs) transported into the world of his imagination…with a few Gleeful differences.
