So in love (Sweeran)

Crying

Some minutes had passed after I called Ed. I still couldn’t stop thinking about our conversation, and all that it involved. My stomach churned at the fact that he was probably getting drunker right now. I sighed. I just wished he had other way to deal with his pain. But I couldn’t help him right now. And I have to deal with the pain that comes with that. But not by drinking.

Not by sleeping, neither. Aparently. Thank God the only thing I have to do tomorrow is getting inside of a plane.

I looked up to the hotel’s ceiling, trying to pretend that nothing had happened so I could sleep. At each passing second, my eyes refused to close, my stomach refused to settle down and I finally got tired of battling against my anxiety. I got up from bed and grabbed my guitar, that was leaning against the wall, near to the nightstand.

I ran my fingers across the strings lightly. How do I feel about all of this? I thought.

"How do I feel about this?" I sang. How could I not know that? This was ridiculous. I exhaled for a second, staring at the wall.

Suddenly, a small melody caught me by surprise, echoing in my thoughts. A new idea. When I was about to try to transfer it from my imagination to reality, my phone rang on the bed. A curse escaped from my lips due the surprise. I would have to remember that melody later. I would have to. I couldn’t forget it.

It was so good in my head.

I almost ran to the bed, wishing that it was Ed but knowing that wasn’t him. It was Claire again. A shiver went down my back.

I answered before I could change my mind. She deserved to hear some things.

"So…?" She asked. No initial greeting. I forgot she was expecting an answer about our last conversation.

"You tell me" I may have spoken too loudly.

"What?"

“Tell me. Tell me how could you do that to him? How could you break him like that?” I kept my voice steady. I just heard a nervous breath across the line.

"I don’t know what you’re talking about" She finally answered. Her voice sounded sincere and that made me even angrier. How could she lie so well in this situation? Did she even feel bad? Did she feel no remorse for hurting one of the most genuine people that existed in my life? My hand itched. I wanted to hit something and that surprised me so much. I wasn’t a violent person at all.

"You don’t have to lie anymore. You can’t hide it anymore. It’s over. The least you can do now is admit your mistake, and, by what I see, you’re not even willing to do that" I spat the words out.

"I don’t know what you’re talking about, Taylor" She said again. "I swear I don’t know" I blinked, and furrowed my brows.

"Please, Claire" A small tear fell from my left eye but I quickly wiped it off. I sighed slightly before continuing:

"I thought we were friends. You’ve lost Ed. Do you want to lose me too? Because I don’t wanna lose both of you. I don’t wanna believe this is truth… But… It is. I don’t know if I can forgive you if you keep lying to me” I hung up the phone. She needed some time to think and I needed some time to cry. Cry because I was losing a friend. Cry for knowing now that she wasn’t the person I thought she was. Cry for Ed. Cry because he was suffering. Cry because he was crying.