So in love (Sweeran)

AMA's

It was the AMA's night. I brought Claire with me. Why have I done that? Well, to convince Ed that I was completely fine with their relationship.

But the truth was that I wasn't.

Don't misunderstand me. Claire has been my friend for a while and I loved her. I introduced her to Ed at the beginning of the red tour, when I was still recovering from my break-up with Harry. I thought she was good for Ed, I really did. Just didn't think he would agree. But he did.

A few weeks later, I was better. I wasn't thinking about Harry anymore. I was finally getting to forget everything. And then, in one of the small parties that my band does in one of our tour buses, I caught myself noticing things on Ed. Ok, I was a little drunk that night, but that was when everything really started. I started to notice him in a different way. I started to realize how he was sweet. How he was gentle. How he was funny without being mean. He was so genuinely nice that any flaw he possessed was overshadowed.

At first, I tried to deny myself that I was noticing those things way more than I should. I tried to deny that, since that party, he made me feel different when he hugged me or when he smiled at me. I really tried. But with each passing day, I saw myself more in love with him.

One day I decided to tell him. I was full of courage to, when... I walked into his bus and saw him making out with Claire.

It's fine, I said. But I wasn't.

They had been together for six months already, but just now Ed started to think that I didn't approve of their relationship. I tried to deny it, but he didn't believe me. I was never good with lies. So I decided to bring her to this award show to convince him. And here I am, pretending to enjoy myself to death because I know he'll be watching everything on TV.

I'm trying to delete my feelings for him, and I keep doing it. I just don't know how much more of this I can take.