Probably

Chapter 8

Moreover, I had learnt that Crimsyn and Veronica were still quite close, and though Veronica never spoke about me or about that incident with her, I had a feeling that Crimsyn might have had some faint understanding about why I never really opened up to her and how the two of us (Veronica and me) were connected. She never showed anything or asked anything about that incident, but she was always awfully silent after her conversations with Veronica. It was as if she had a strong intuition about something, but she feared to investigate the matter any further, knowing that her intuition would probably be true. She maintained a good relation with her and I didn’t want to ruin their friendship just because I was in love with Veronica and not her.

“Are you all right?”, Crimsyn said sitting up on the bed, releasing me from her grip.

“Yeah.” I said reluctantly, without even trying to indulge in another one of those meaningless conversations that I used to have with her. I got out of bed and went straight to the bathroom to take a shower.

I didn’t know why I didn’t like Crimsyn. She had everything a guy could ever possibly wish for and dream about. She had an amazing physique. She was great in bed and she always smelt incredible. Well, that was probably because of the Giorgio Armani perfume that she drenched her self in.
She was extremely brilliant- one of the top students of her batch along with Veronica- and she was quite adventurous. She was always open to new opportunities in life. A man like me, would normally, easily go weak in the knees for a woman like her, but it just didn’t happen this time.

She managed to turn me on quite impressively before we did it, but after that was over and dealt with, everything that I felt for her, was rendered null and void and vanished in thin air. This was an ongoing vicious cycle which I wanted to get rid of. It had made me ashamed off myself, but I simply couldn’t do anything about it because, I didn’t have the heart to break up with her and stop this all from happening. I felt more and more helpless and lost and claustrophobic with every second that I spent with her close to me. Hence, I tried my best to maintain my distance with her.

I always avoided making public appearances with her, and even if we did have to go out, I always walked far away from her. I never held her hand and definitely never kissed her in public. If we got caught up by the paparazzi, I would always desert her, leaving her to find her own way out. My teammates often questioned me about her, but I always gave them only one answer- “It’s complicated.” I know I was hurting her but I couldn’t do anything about it. Besides, its her choice to be with me, so, she shouldn’t mind the glitches that came along with this relationship.

The media, of course, was getting hints about this relation being a sham. As a result, they kept writing articles about it. I often told Crimsyn to ignore them and I myself wished to do the same, but I just couldn’t. My whole life had become a source of entertainment to the outside world. My existence had become gossip for people. People, nowadays, seemed to care about my relation with Crimsyn more than my performance in the international and club level. My family tried their best to snub these hot and spicy stories, but there was only so much they could do to help me out.

All this was breaking me slowly. I couldn’t believe that just one small mistake at the wedding could cause such a turmoil in my life. I always knew Veronica was the one for me, but with time, I seemed to have been questioning that. It didn’t happen because I started loving her any less, to be honest, I happened to be falling in love with her deeper, with every passing thought of her, but it was affecting my mental health and thus my performance on field.

I needed to know if this struggle was going to be worth it in the end or just a massive, incurable blow, which would be capable to damage everything I have worked for and loved, with utmost passion.