Arranged Marriage - Distance (A Nightwing/Dick Grayson Fanfiction)

Forty Six: Early Onset Death Wishes

"My father took us out on his new sailboat one day. It was jam-packed with all these new shiny toys. Deep sea fishing tech, rods and hand lines, canoes, floats. But all I could focus on was this ridiculously over-sized anchor. It was heavy, way too big to be used for where we were, so they cast out a smaller one when we stopped to eat. My mother took Ethan, Fantasia and the babies into the cabin."

She stops for a moment and Dick moves in it silently, coming up behind her.

"As soon as I was alone, I heaved it up over the side, hooked the chain on my rod belt and followed it into the sea."

He steps up and presses a barely-there kiss to her hair. Her continued composure is haunting, but he knows there's turmoil underneath. So he only touches her arm, tentatively, and rubs his thumb there.

"I would have died but Demitri didn't go to the cabin with the others. He heard the splash. When he realised the anchor was missing and saw the bubbles, he screamed for our father."

She doesn't talk for awhile and just let's Dick's small touches soothe her as the admission washes over them. His heart aches for her. He was only a little bit older than that when his parents died. He can't imagine going through trauma any younger.

And he's angry for her as well. Who made her pain feel so insignificant? It can't have been just her parents, or else she wouldn't have said it. The kids would be too young to understand and she already told him she preferred to be alone at school.

"I wasn't afraid. I was...impatient," she snorts vainly, "Guess I should have chosen a faster method."

Just like Jason, he thinks instantly. He jokes about his death and trauma often to cover up the pain he feels over it.

"Your father saved you?" It's a strange choice for his first question, but he feels confident enough to ask it.

Her head turns but she doesn't look at him, "Yeah. I remember the water was dark and I was sinking and drowning. He dived in, swam all the way down to me and undid my the belt. They never doubted how fucked up I was after that."

"You're not fucked up," he interrupts quickly, bowing his head, "Not to me." His hand slides down her arm and they join fingers. "Not to them either."

Cleo sighs, showing her disagreement.

"My father found me when I crashed a Bentley on purpose. I sent it straight into a tree an hour out of the city. It was the first time I'd driven in it. I swallowed all of my meds with some vodka in the bath. Logan found me there, unconscious and drowning again. Just a week later Hallow and Gordon found me bleeding out on my bedroom floor after I had a nightmare and tried to cut Am-" she stops, abruptly.

She was about to say Amethyst. About to refer to her tattoo as more than that, by its name, which she must have forgotten Dick doesn't know (as far as she thinks). They both simultaneously realise how close they are, without even knowing everything.

"...tried to cut my tattoo out."

Their eyes meet and a silence settles over them. It's uncomfortable for Cleo until Dick takes her other hand and turns her towards him.

"Eventually you stopped."

She hums fondly, "One night I found Ignatier outside my room. She was standing guard and checking on me every five minutes, all through the night. I didn't try again."

"See? They love you."

She scoffs, "If they loved me they'd want me to be happy instead of trying to scare my husband away." Despite her tone, he laughs. It brings a small smile to her face. She looks down at their hands.