The Lost Ones

The Lost Ones - Chpt 20

*Ash/Eliza POV*

Beep... Beep... Beep.

Shut up.

I stretched my hand to reach out to the annoying alarm interrupting my sleep. I lifted my head to see the time, only to show that it was 12pm. I slumped my head back to my pillow and tried to drift off to sleep once more. It was my off day today, so I can do what I want. But the harder I tried to sleep, the more awake I got. Eventually I gave up and stood up, getting ready to occupy myself with the day.

As I made my coffee, I could not help but think of that incident 2 months ago.

I guess I fucked up big time. I apologised to him and I told him I loved him and... still no reply. Why was I so blind? I waited day after day, praying that he would tell me something. I just wanted to know. It has been two months!

I felt a stinging pain on my hand.

"Fuck!"

I jumped from the pain, the overflowing mug of coffee slipped out of my grip and shattered on the floor. I ignored it and rushed to run my hand in cold water. I ran my uninjured hand over my face.

Ugh. What a great start. You know what? Fuck it. I'll go and ask him for his answer today, if he says no then fuck him. I don't need him anyways.

I felt my chest tighten a little as I ended my internal struggle. I cringed internally as I reflected my last thought. I do need him. But I cannot tell if he needs me as I need him. Turning off the tap, I made my way to Doc.

With my hand wrapped up, and a friendly "word of advice" from Doc (more like mocking), I made my way to Y/N's office. I need closure for this. I have to do this. At least I can come to terms with what he says even if I do not like it. I was all my fault anyways. I do not have the right to blame him about anything.

As I approached the hallway, I saw no one passing by. Good. I want this to be between us two. I walked over to his door and stared at the handle. I rested my hand on it preparing to push the door open, but I stopped.

I can't do it. Why can't I do it? A simple rotation and asking the question. A child could do it. Why can't I?

I rested my head on the wall, dealing once more with my newfound hesitance. Before I came to my final decision, I heard a muffled yell coming from the inside, causing me to flinch away from the door.

What was that?

I hurriedly opened the door, only to find no one there, only hearing the sound of a shower running. I wanted to head straight to the toilet, but I noticed the documents strewn and mildly crumpled on his desk. Curious, I made my way to his desk. The first thing is saw was his computer screen. A YouTube video was paused, and I gasped a little as I saw the title. My hand immediately went up to my mouth.

Did I hurt him this way? Did his spend the past 2 months running away from me, trying to sort out his feelings for me? How could I do this to him?

I hurried over to the toilet, ready to push the door open. That was when I heard some voice talking from within. I leaned my head closer to the door to listen more clearly.

"I'm sorry Eliza, for all I have done. I'm sorry I was not there for you when you awake. I'm sorry I was not enough for you. I'm sorry for pushing you away. I'm sorry... . I'm sorry that I love you. You deserve so much better than me."

I gasped. I opened the door slowly and softly, the sight that greeted my nearly made me freeze. My restraint might have been the only saving grace I had from not reacting in time. I leaped forward, my hands outstretched, pushing the gun from aiming at his chin to the wall, the gun discharged safely to the wall, then safely falling out of his hand. All the while screaming "No." I had never been more scared in my life. I rolled onto my back, propping myself on my elbow, looking up at Y/N with fear. I do not know what he will do with me now.