Helium Balloons

Be Yourself

 Dedicated to Sweets because she's sunshine on the coldest day <3 you're the best, darling. 

Dear Friend,

Today I stood in front of a mirror, looked myself in the eye and said “There is nothing wrong with you”. I reminded myself how one of my favorite teachers told me “You can do anything” and I thought about how difficult self-worth is to a lot of people. The most beautiful feel the most conscious of themselves and I kept thinking, “Why am I so uncomfortable around myself?” I’m sorry. There, I said it. I was too hard on myself. And now I decided that whenever I see a mirror, I will look and smile. Not cringe and run away. I guess I was scared of coming off as conceited. But, I don’t care about that anymore.

Today, I ate a slice of pizza and ordered Greek salad at the restaurant, carefully separating the Olives and Feta cheese. Life is too short to deny yourself of things you love. And so, after weeks, I derived a weirdly simple, yet extremely exuberant pleasure out of something that is unconventional. Then I played my guitar and didn’t stop to think “I suck, it sounds horrible” and it felt fucking awesome. When my best friend called, I picked up, and we talked about pointless things and laughed. And you want to know what else I did today? I shared a part of my life with a girl I’ve never met and she did the same. I helped her. She helped me. There, simple again.

I’ve also been worrying about my best friends who seem to be going through A LOT, but I realized that I am not helping them by giving up on happiness. Music makes me happy. Writing makes me happy. Studying Sociology makes me happy. And isn’t it that simple? Eliminate the things that make you unhappy. And the only thing that made me unhappy is me constantly feeling not worth it. I also realized how selfish I was being, my friends pour their heart out to me, and all I can think of is why I am not enough for them or why I am an inadequate friend? But the truth is, crappy things happen, and most of the time, it’s NOT about me.

What do the two words ‘be yourself’ mean to you, Friend? I have doubted the use of it a lot and dubbed it as another one of society’s contradictions. On one hand, they tell you to be yourself, and on the other, you are judged. WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU SUPPOSED TO DO? But, I think be yourself comes with caveat, yes, you will be judged. But, that’s what adds a helluva lot more meaning to them, don’t you think? It’s about being yourself despite the world. It’s about being yourself despite the fear of consequences. It’s about being true to who you are despite what anyone says. You don’t need anyone, NO ONE, to validate your existence. Only you can do that. And if you’re too busy hating yourself, where’s it going to go? Your existence is left not only un-validated but also doubted.

Doubting your own existence is the worst feeling in the world. It feels like darkness is closing in on you and you are succumbing to it because you can’t be arsed to care about yourself. Caring about yourself is important. Giving yourself approval is important. I know there are others who can do that for you, but your experiences, are YOURS alone. Your beliefs are YOURS. Your perceptions are YOURS. And hence, the approval, you need is YOURS.

Be yourself. Sing loudly in the shower. Follow your gut. Do what you love, don’t question it (even if it’s Taxidermy you have a fetish for). Eat whatever you want to, whenever you want to. Give yourself assent for existing. Give yourself credit for being the best damn company you’ve had. Sprinkle pixie dust. Laugh at old jokes. Don’t think very much about something you WANT. Go get it. And if you can’t get it, that’s the best part… find a new dream (Tangled reference, yo) Be your own hero because you look pretty damn amazing in a cape.

Be yourself. Conform… don’t conform. It doesn’t matter. It has to be you. Taylor Swift released a new video, knowing very well that’s different from usual, but goddamn, she WANTED to. She considered the caveat. She braced herself for heavy criticism, the insults but she didn’t question it. You can see the happiness sparkle in her eyes while she dances her messy dance moves. And I was one of the people who criticized her. But now that I saw Shake it Off again, it’s beautiful, just as beautiful as White Horse, Back to December and All Too Well and Taylor will always be my idol because she doesn’t question what she WANTS. Because that’s who she is.

Be yourself. See a God in the grass, in the stars, in the clouds…. Don’t see a God, believe in Science instead. The magic is in the faith… the magic is being able to justify anything and everything. Love One Direction even though people tell you that it’s a 13-year old, white girl thing to love. Love music from the 1960’s even though people tell you that it’s a 70-year old, obsolete thing to love. Love love even though it isn’t the ‘safest’ option. Read the newspaper, not being convinced that humanity is doomed, but that maybe, you can help in some way by doing your part.

Be yourself.

Don’t be afraid.

Someone will appreciate, love and admire you for it.

Yours Lovingly Xx