Helium Balloons

Barbecue Chips and Chocolate Pudding

Barbecue Chips and Chocolate Pudding

Dear Friend,             

I think we all suffer from acute over usage of the words 'fat' and 'thin'. Are we all really that shallow? Now, don't get me wrong... I'm not going to discard all the importance of appearances and champion inner beauty because we all know that I'd be lying. The point I'm trying to convey through this letter is that you're allowed to feel beautiful. It doesn't matter if you're a little heavier, and plumper than you want to be, I promise that it's okay to look at yourself like you're actually pretty. You don't have to shy away from your favorite foods. You are allowed to indulge in a hearty helping of your favorite barbecue chips or chocolate pudding. Go on a diet and exercise only if you want to. Don't let anyone force you into feeling like you aren't good enough. Tell them off. Look into the mirror and tell yourself that you're gorgeous because darling, I promise you are.

You could start by focusing on one thing you love about yourself and work your way through the others. It could be anything, right from the shape of your cuticles to the curve of your eyebrows to the pinkness of your lips. Soon, you'll realize that there's nothing to hate and that maybe loving yourself isn't as utterly disgusting as you presumed it to be. You could call me hypocritical because I can off-handedly pick out more than a dozen things about myself that I abhor right now but I'm slowly finding out that flaws make us human. I complain about the frizziness of my hair, the width of my hips or the fact that my arm has a few extra inches of fat but who cares? I don't want to be porcelain perfection. Nobody should. Nobody should fucking want to be some perverse version of beauty that society has so successfully upheld.

See someone skinny and make a joke about anorexia? Well, fuck you, you worthless bastard. I’m really sorry for your lack of neurons because people who are skinny can be perfectly healthy. And no, Anorexia isn’t something that you can use to make your sentence fancy; it’s a real actual condition, use some of the time you waste judging people to look it up.

 Friend, I’ve recently realized that you shouldn’t be looking for love and reinforcement and encouragement from outside until you begin to find at least traces of it within yourself. Yes, I shy away from people because I feel like I don’t deserve them. I get intimidated by people because the voices in my head tell me that they are better looking than me, that they were born more talented and that they don’t need a pesky barnacle in their lives. I try to acknowledge myself as an entity worth of something… but it’s hard.

“You’re actually really pretty” they’d say. “I mean, you could be, if you lost weight”. Who said being pretty came with ‘terms and conditions apply’?

“You’re smart, but you don’t work hard enough. You’re lazy” they’d point out. Well, I’m sorry to break this to you, but I do study every day.

“You have potential in terms of musical talent, but you don’t take music as seriously” they offered their judgments. But I practice for like four hours on weekends.

“You don’t even try to socialize” You don’t know the half of it.

I’m sorry that I’m fucking misunderstood. I’m sorry that you let your words crystallize before you’ve actually thought them through. I’m sorry that you’re wrong. And I’m sorry that I completely refuse to listen to you. And I’m sorry that I do, in fact, listen to you sometimes. But, Friend, nobody is worthless. Everyone is pretty cool in their own right and if you get to know them, you’ll see.

What I hate the most, though, is assuming that you’ll end up ‘dying alone’ because you don’t stick to the model-type of beautiful. Who the hell cares? Do what makes you feel pretty. It could be a fluorescent pink hair extension or an eyelash curler and mascara or even wearing that one pair of jeans that make you feel invincible. But mostly, you are allowed to say “I look gorgeous!” No, it doesn’t make you narcissistic or conceited or cocky. Use the tag line confident. People are into all kinds of stuff. It’s ridiculous, but what you hate most about yourself, somebody could actually love.

Friend, I know asking me to write a letter like this is supposed to help, especially right now when self hate comes so damn easily. All it takes is a joking sentence to make me re-evaluate my whole existence. I’m going to try, though. All those people who said that I’d be pretty if I lost weight? Or become smarter if I studied harder? You have a skewed perception of reality. You fail to see the magic in eccentricities. You fail to see that flaws as quirks. You fail to see anything but perfect hair, skin, clothes, teeth. But, where does that leave you? You’re losing out on a world of blue and sparkly. (Yes, Aria, EXCITED!)

Eat those barbecue chips. Don’t guilt over that chocolate pudding. Take it easy on yourself.

YOU. ARE. GOOD. ENOUGH. You aren’t worthless. You deserve love. You deserve happiness. And you are not alone. Even if it’s a chain of people on the internet, we conform to a similar wavelength. See? There might be a twinge of hope for humanity, after all. Hold onto that. Mostly, don’t give up on yourself even when it seems like the world has given up on you. Besides, there will always be someone who’ll back the belief you have in yourself. And remember, the most beautiful people are the most insecure.

Yours Lovingly Xx