Helium Balloons

Heart-Shaped Candy

Heart-Shaped Candy

Dear Friend,

There’s this boy. I somehow feel that he is very special and amazing, but he does not feel the same about me. Unrequited love, a tale as old as time, really. I wish I could do something to get him to realize how strong I feel, but I am no magician, I can’t control anyone’s feelings. Although, tons of times, I just wish that I could. I want him to stare at me with that twinkle in his eyes and tell me that I am beautiful. I know that I can dedicate the rest of my life to making him smile. I want him to text me at absurd timings because he forgot to say goodnight. When I’m sixty or something, I want to be nostalgic with him whilst looking through old pictures and listening to the song that we danced for at our wedding. I want to drink tea with him on our front porch.

Friend, I know what you must be thinking. I know I am young, but sometimes, okay fine, a lot of times, I just know that I want to spend the rest of my life with him. I want us to eat heart-shaped lollipops together and laugh about silly things. I don’t know why, but there is something very painstakingly mesmerizing about heart-shaped candy. I want to spend Sunday afternoons with him, sprawled on the floor, playing scrabble and drinking cheap wine. I want him to introduce me to his friends with a goofy grin on his face saying “That’s her, she’s the one”. I want to watch the stars with him and fall asleep tangled in blankets. I want to go on long exotic vacations with him for several days and act like we have no care in the world.

 I want to act like a complete psycho (translation: be myself) around him and have him tell me how cute he thinks it is. I want to bake batches of chocolate chip cookies for him when he’s had a bad day and I also want his hugs when I’m having a tantrum. I want him to hold me close and tell me that everything is going to be okay and let me cry into his shoulder. I want to be able to look at him like the sun rises and sets with him and know every intricate and painful detail about him. I want to eat scrambled eggs and pancakes with maple syrup with him every single morning and have him hold me by the waist. I want to have movie marathons with him and argue uncontrollably. I want to have long intellectual debates with him about stuff that other people may consider insignificant. I want him to kiss me in the rain and tickle me saying that he just needed an excuse to hear me laugh. I want him to sing to me, even if he has a horrible voice so that I can get lose in the song. But mostly, right now, I want him to notice me. I want him to glance my way and give a damn about my existence. And I want him to want me the way that I want him.

I am the kind of girl who wouldn’t dress up for anyone, and act like a goofball on every occasion. I cannot stand the thought of someone I love being mad at me, hence, I am the kind of girl who would get on my knees and apologize incessantly till they forgive me. I am the kind of girl who’d prefer food over flowers and suddenly realize just how lucky I am if I had him. I’d beat him in vigorous games of Call of Duty, Pillow fights and thumb war. I would eat the stuff he cooks even when the pasta looks like pulp and quesadillas taste like cardboard and pretend that it is absolutely delicious. I am the kind of girl who gets overly obsessive about things and paranoid real easy.

 I will laugh at all his jokes, even those really lame ones that make you want to say “What the fuck?” I don’t find happiness in clothes shoes and jewelry but instead in sweet-nothings and beautiful words filled with emotion. I go to sleep thinking of this one person and wake up thinking of the same person. I don’t deviate. Although, sometimes, I wish I could. I love nicknames and I cry too easily. When I see him though, I feel like I’ve never been hurt. That my heart, like those heart-shaped candies, is sugary and sweet and perfectly intact. I am the kind of girl who loves with everything she's got and a force so unconditional that it is impossible to reckon with. I am the kind of girl who'd defend him no matter what. I am not blind to flaws, I just think that all his flaws are what contribute to his perfection and I am the kind of girl who'd never let him go.

On those quiet evenings, I sit on the edge of my terrace and watch the sunset and I wonder if he’s watching the sunset too. If not, I want him to watch it with me. I want to share these experiences with him just because he’s that special. Friend, if you know how to make these feelings go away, let me know, I just want to stop caring so much for someone who doesn’t even acknowledge the fact that I exist.

Yours Lovingly Xx