WHERE THE OCEANS MEET

CHAPTER 5

"THE PAIN OF LOSING A LIMB"

                 DEDICATED TO Renee Jose

".......Holy shit!!”, this isn’t good, no scratch that, it’s worse.

Are you sure.

There are far worse things these people could have found about you.

This picture doesn’t even stand a chance at what you’ve stashed away from the world.

Not hidden but forgotten, there’s a difference  between hiding and trying to forget. All I’m trying to do is let my past slip away into a place where I can never reach, a place filled with immense darkness that even if I happen to light it up with the fire in soul, I still wouldn’t be able to find it. After all there are places on this Earth which is untouched by the sea, no matter how vast and colossal it’s boundaries may be, it’s not possible for the sea to ambush every nook and cranny the world has to offer, and just like that, I hope I never revisit my lost and forgotten self.

Your past is like a limb in your body, it accounts for a significant part in your life, in your development, but just like a limb can at times get infected and cutting it away is the only solution, so is your past.

When your antecedent time gets contaminated, chopping it off is almost as necessary as losing a limb to frostbite or cancerous tumor.

Thus cutting away your past is similar to losing a limb, the pain is as unbearable as the agony of amputation, but nonetheless, is necessary.

I knew the second, we drove towards this town, that I was leaving something behind, like I’d already buried both my arms and legs in my previous hometown, but I wouldn’t have done it, if it wasn’t killing me.

“Everyone’s staring at you Sea, and the look on your face is kinda scary, what happened?”, Chloe asked with concern written all over her face.

“This picture is not photoshopped, if that’s what you’re wondering, but this is not what exactly happened….”, and then I lied to Chloe how exactly I ended up being the damsel in distress, who needed her knight in shining armor to help her remove something from her eyes because of course that’s not what a lady's for.

“It’s her….”, someone from across the corridor said while pointing her fingers in my direction.

“Finally River found it’s Sea…”, someone else joked while laughing in my direction.

“Isn’t she a new admission….”

“Clarice just got a new Target to aim at…..”

More accusing words were being hurled at me.

More mocking tones were being thrown at me.

Have we been here before.

It’s a déjà vu.

I need to run from here. This is triggering the memory that I’ve enshrouded before moving here.

It is bringing back the pain of the lost limb.

It’s surfacing the tremor of the forgotten missing pieces.

It’s unraveling the anguish I buried before coming here, and if the pain hits me again, I don’t know if I’ll be able to pull myself this time.

“Hey Sea, are you fine, you look so pale.”, is this Chloe, is she still here.

Open your eyes Sea.

Face it like you ought to.

But I can’t go through this again.

I can’t have people talk about me again.