His Death Awakened Me (BoyxBoy)

Chapter 2: Realizing Something

"Oh yea. I remember hearing about that," I said.

"And Briggs is excited for junior high. He starts this fall," she told me.

"Already? I remember when he was just little! Of course, we were pretty little then too," I said. We both laughed at the memories. Our families had always been close friends, so we kinda grew up together, only losing touch just recently as college and other things got in the way. Maybe that's why I was so nervous, because I knew how much I cared about Kim. I'd known her for so long. I suddenly felt guilty for not wanting her to come over. Then out of nowhere Collin was standing there. Where did he come from? Oscar jumped down and ran over to him.

"What you two been chit-chattin about?" Collin asked.

"I was just asking about Briggs and Emma," I said hastily. "We were talking about school," Emma added.

"Oh," said Collin. His face dropped a little, like he looked bored.

"Hey Kim, did you know that Jake had a crush on you?" She smilied a little.

"No," she said softly. She looked down at her hands. I glared at him.

"Big time," he continued, his eyes fixed on me while Kim was still looking down. "When we were younger, he used to talk about you all the time." I stood up. Collin smirked.

"You really did?" Kim interjected, as if she understood that I was fuming and ready to punch Collin in the stomach. I was taken aback. It was like I couldn't get any air.

"Yea," I practically whispered, my face probably looked like a cherry. I could feel the heat in my cheeks. She smiled and looked down at her hands again.

"Well, I'm glad we got that all cleared up," said Collin. I shot him a look, then walked over to the the door.

"I'm gonna go get a drink. Anybody want anything?" I was only asking to be nice, though I hoped nobody did, because I wasn't planning on coming back out.

"No thanks," Kim said softly. She seemed as flustered as me. Why the hell would she be? She's not the one Collin just outed as having a crush. I thought. Not only that, but unfortunately I realized that she probably knew the crush wasn't past tense by the way I had acted just now. UGH. Collin that idiot. I didn't wait for his answer as I hurried inside.

Instead of actually getting a drink, I headed straight upstairs for my room, passing by my parents and the Jackson's, who were visiting in the living room. They didn't notice me. I slipped into my room and closed the door. I shook my head at how ridiculous this whole thing was. I mean, I was moping like a kid in my bedroom over something as stupid as a crush. It was so pathetic. I was so pathetic. I hated the way I handled it. I probably looked like an ass to her. I sighed, settling on the bed. I put my head in my hands. Stupid.

After about ten minutes, there was a knock at the door. I looked up. At first I thought I had imagined it. The came the second knock. If it was Collin coming in with some lame ass apology I was sure I would deck him this time. No hesitations. I yanked the door open, expecting to see that same stupid smirk on his face. Oh shit. Kim stood in the doorway.

"Hey. Can I talk to you for a minute?" She asked. There was no way out of this.

"Uh...sure," I answered lamely. I gestured for her to come in.

"Thanks," said Kim. She walked to the center of the room and then turned around. I closed the door, only because I didn't want to be overheard. That was the last thing I needed; more embarrassment.

"So.." I started. I paused. She pursed her lips. "Look, I'm sorry," I said. She creased her brow, a puzzled look in her eyes.

"For what?" She asked.

"For acting like a little kid. I let Collin get to me," I replied. She looked confused for a second, then her face relaxed, and she was on the verge of smiling.

"It's ok," she said, sitting down on the edge of my bed.

"Kim, I -" I started.

"You don't have to say anything. So what if you had a crush on me. It was when we were kids." She blurted. For some reason I felt hurt. Like she was saying she didn't care because it didn't matter now. I mean I was just totally embarrassed right now and honestly confused about how I felt. Did I still like her?

"Well that's a relief," I told her. She didn't move. She fixed her gaze on the wall in front of her.

"Why didn't you ever tell me?" She asked. What a dumb question. Why would I? I don't want to play these games. It's exhausting. I hesitated. The truth slipped out.

"I didn't know how you felt, so I didn't know what you would think of it," I replied. I sighed sitting down next to her. I really didn't want to get all sentimental. The whole evening I was trying to avoid this, and now here we were, talking about it. Maybe it was unavoidable. Why did I get all tongue-tied around this girl? I was never concerned with what I said when I was around anyone else. I didn't think twice. But here, now, I probably over-analyzed everything.

"How I felt?" She said, turning towards me.

"What?" I stammered.

"Why wouldn't you just tell me? You have to take a chance in order to ever get anything," she replied, fixing her brown eyes on mine. "Do you have feelings for me now?" she asked quietly. She was studying my face, looking for something that might betray my true feelings. I looked at my hands. They were shaking slightly. My palms were sweaty.

"Jake," she said softly, putting her hand on my arm. "Do you?"

I looked back in her direction. I suddenly noticed her lips, and how perfect they were. I got a powerful urge to lean forward and kiss her. I was fighting against it, until I realized there were no words that could answer her question. Don't dwell on it. Go for it. I told myself. I looked at her face, leaned in and kissed her full on the lips. She tensed at first, and I feared she was going to pull away, but then she relaxed and kissed me back. We both stopped and looked at each other. I felt a stirring inside me. I had never felt it before, and I didn't know what it was. All I know was I didn't like it. I wanted to do damage control now.

"I'm sorry," I said. She didn't budge.

"There's nothing to be sorry for," she said gently, "Do you know how long I waited for that?" I furrowed my brow.

"You've been waiting for me to kiss you?" I asked, my mind reeling. She smiled, a hint of a smirk in it.

"Of course. I just didn't want to be the one to put the moves on first." She laughed. It was in that moment that I realized I had given her the wrong impression now. Earlier tonight I was thinking that I felt differently. Now after the kiss I didn't know what to think. Why didn't I enjoy it?

"I never did anything because I didn't know what I was feeling," I told her, "I still don't." I frowned. This wasn't how this was supposed to go.

"It's okay. I understand," Kim said as she got to her feet.

"Kim, please...I-" She cut me off before I could attempt to explain.

"It's really okay Jake," she stated before giving me a small smile and disappearing out the door.