Louder Than Love || Chris Cornell

A Secret 'Til The Last Word's Untold

"Did you ever tell him...? About... you know," Eddie asks as he looks at me after a little while.
"No... but I feel like I should... but I'm afraid to," I say as I look down at myself.

"I think maybe I should tell him... it was my fault anyways, I'm the one who... you know," Eddie says looking away from me and then back to catch my eyes again.
"I don't want to hurt him..." I say.
"I know..." He exhales and pushes his curls behind his ear again.
"I hate how it eats at me though... I feel like I'm lying," I say looking back down at myself.
"Andi... it was so long ago... it was just a kiss...-"

I look up and see Chris standing right beside Eddie, us both not even noticing that Chris had walked up right in the middle of our conversation. Chris's expression falls, his eyebrows slightly furrow, hearing what Eddie was saying to me.

Oh Shit.

"Chris... I-" I start but the look on his face cuts me off and he walks passed me, his curls swaying with his movements, his footsteps heavy against the trailer stairs as he runs down them leaving me there with Eddie.

"Shit," I say to myself and walk out after him leaving Eddie running his hands though his hair.

"Chris!" I call to him as he heads towards the bus. He doesn't answer and he continues to walk away from me. I attempt to follow him but his stride is much quicker given the fact he is so much taller than me. My stomach is instantly turning, feeling like I'm about to throw up. I was going to tell him, but not like this.

•••

"Chris... hey what the-?"
"Have you seen my smokes? I can't fucking find them," Chris says cutting off Ben as he storms to the back of the bus.
"No, I haven't man, you can have one of mine," Ben calls to the back of the bus. Chris fumbles around in the back bunk ripping apart his sleeping compartment angrily.

"Fuck!" Chris exclaims and walks back up to the front where Ben was.
"Hey man, here..." Ben says holding out a cigarette for Chris to take. Chris immediately brings it to his lips and flicks the lighter, inhales, squinting his eyes from the smoke.

"You alright man?" Ben asks confused at why Chris is acting so angered.
"Yea... what time do we go on?"

"In Like 15 minutes. I was just about to head over... to... the... stage..." Ben trails off as Chris immediately runs down off the bus leaving Ben there by himself.

"Ok, then..." Ben says to himself completely confused and slowly heads off the bus towards the stage.

•••

I didn't know what to do. All I know is that I need to explain myself to Chris. I walk over to the backstage area, knowing that they have to go on soon and I see Kim talking to his guitar tech.

"Kim... have you seen Chris?" I ask a little desperately.
"Hey Andi... uh no, not yet... why?" He says as he turns to me.
"I need to uh... I need to talk to him..." I say looking around and looking behind myself to see if he had walked up here yet.
"I thought he was with you?" Kim says as he straps his Gibson Firebird on.
"He was... but uh..." I trail off trying desperately not to have a breakdown in front of Kim. He looks at me and notices my frantic expression.

"What happened?" Kim asks concerned.
"He uh... he-"
"Hey man," I was cut off by the sound of Chris's voice suddenly appearing behind me. How the fuck is he so quiet? I swear to fuck, his footsteps are heard every other fucking time but now.
"Hey," Kim nods and heads up to the stage as I turn and look up at Chris.

"Hey," I exhale and give him a half smile but Chris's expression stays cold. Steve comes over and hands him his Cherry Burst Gibson and Chris slings the guitar over his shoulder, adjusting his guitar strap and flipping his hair out of the way. My expression falls a bit as he continues to avoid my gaze.
"Chris..." I say quietly moving a little closer to him to try to get him to look at me. He still says nothing and walks away from me, quickly trotting up the stairs to the stage. My heart drops and I try as hard as I can to hold myself back from falling apart. I fucked up. I fucked up so God damn bad.