Louder Than Love || Chris Cornell

New Year, New... Me?

Seattle Washington,
January 12, 1992

The holidays were tough. Probably one of the worst times I've ever had to get through. I didn't speak to anyone from my family, if that's what you would call them. They never reached out to me at all. It feels like ever since my mother died, the only family I have is Chris.  It's not like Christmas was ever a big deal in my family but I didn't expect to be completley forgotten about. It truly is what they say; When someone dies, you find out just who people really are inside. Chris helped make the best of it though.

We spent Christmas eve here at home for the first time as husband and wife and it was everything I could've ever asked for. He picked up a small  tree and we spent Christmas eve decorating it horribly by the way. Chris forgot to pick up decorations so we ended up decorating it with some of my spare band patches, and some photos of us among other miscelaneous items. It was definitely one heavy metal Christmas tree.

We then sat in front of the fireplace and while I drank wine of all things, he serenaded me like he usually does with his beautiful cherry burst Gibson. He knows exactly how to get me out of a funk every time. 

Kim and Chris were downstairs in the studio just hanging out and jamming together while I was in the kitchen making some drinks. I could hear them laughing and cracking their normal sarcastic jokes with each other and it was hilarious to hear them.

I finish making my drink, Jack straight up over ice, grab two beers from the fridge and walk out of the kitchen into the living room to head to the studio in the basement. I take a sip of my drink and glance over at the fireplace mantel and see the Urn with my mother sitting on top with flowers I had placed on either side. It had taken me a long time to be able to place her there. For the longest time I had her sitting in that small luggage bag I brought her home in. Then I realized she would probably be saying to me 'Andrea, don't you think it's time to change me out of this thing? I can't sit here forever'... so I did.

I miss her every single day. I can still hear her voice inside my head sometimes.

"Hey mom," I say quietly as I touch the urn gently and walk passed the mantel on my way to the studio downstairs.

"...yea I think Cameron wants to go with Birth Ritual for sure but how the hell are we supposed to film that?"

I hear Kim and Chris talking as I reach the bottom of the stairs, drinks in hand for all of us. Chris sat across from Kim on his usual swivel chair, his cherry burst Gibson across his lap, his long curls fallen in his face as he picks at the strings.

"Yea, I know... but we said we'd do it," Chris says as he continues to look at his hands while playing.

"Hey Andi," Kim smiles at me as I walk into the room.
"Hey... I brought you a gift," I smile back as I hold a beer out for him to take.
"Sweet... The best gift I could ask for," Kim smiles as he sets his Gibson Firebird down and leans it against the desk. He takes the beer from me and takes a sip.

"Hi baby," Chris smiles and flips his curls out of his face as I hand him his beer.
"Hey... I didn't interrupt anything did I?" I ask as I take a sip of my drink.

"No... we we're just talking about the uh, movie Cameron is still filming right now... he wants us to do a scene or something... I can't remember," Chris says.

"Yea... which we're somehow supposed to fit it in tomorrow but I don't know how that's going to work..." Kim says.

When we got back from California after the Pantera Concert, Chris and the guys were asked to do some small cameos for him. It was Cameron's first feature film that he was completely writing, directing and producing all himself. I wasn't familiar with his earlier work but I do remember that movie 'Say Anything' that he directed. I've just never seen it.