The Gift of Memory (Armin Arlert x Reader|Modern AU)

28•I Love You

"Y/N, sweetie... I baked a pie... If you don't want the pie, I made some cookies too." M/N offered after knocking on her door. She was met with silence and knocked once again, calling her daughter's name. "Y/N?"

"No, thanks, Mom. I'm not in a mood to eat."

The M/H/C-ette responded with a, "Okay, sweetie... Please, just, come and talk to us when you feel better..."

In the mother's mind, the teen was laying in bed, depressingly cocooned up in blankets. In reality, she was rummaging throughout all of the drawers. The frantic girl was looking for simple clothes to wear and filling a box to set to light any evidence of her wrongdoings. Anything to do with her suicidal past and Mikasa's death.

She was about to set that book of hers inside. She couldn't bring herself to, as it was just too sentimental.

Nothing wrong with that. Besides, the guy in this book is the one who taught her sentiment. That's how she justified the risk.

She packed a bag of the simple clothes and put her book back in the same wooden box that Armin found it in.

She then awaited for night to come. Once it was midnight, she knew that her mother would be asleep and her father would be at work.

She simply walked out the door with the bag of clothes, her 'box o' suicide,' and her book.

Step one, destroy any and all evidence.

Y/N walked far into the middle of the woods. She set down her bag and the box guarding the book. She then walked about five feet away and harshly dropped the box of evidence. She then pulled out a lighter, that she stole from her father's office, and set the box on fire. It burned rather easily, as the box was cardboard and it was only papers and other documents inside.

Step two, bury the book.

She had a hard time deciding where to bury her book. She debated between Armin's mom's grave and at the playground. Both of them were risky, as it was illegal to dig up a grave and Armin knew where she last buried the book. In the end, she ended up burying it at the playground.

She needed to bury it in a place imprinted into her mind.

Once that was done, and it took quite the while as she had to bury it very, very deep, she moved on.

All that was left was her change of clothes. She walked to her (boy)friend's house, hoping he would talk to her at least for the night.

-

Armin woke up to Y/N's face. They stayed there for around five seconds before the half asleep boy realized that she wasn't supposed to be there.

He jumped up, dumbfounded. "Y-Y/N, why the hell are you staring at me in my sleep?!" He gasped. She giggled, causing him to slightly relax.

"I'm sorry. I find that staring at someone in there sleep is a more peaceful way to awaken someone." She stood. She was previously crouched on the ground to be eye level with the other's sleeping form.

"O-oh.." he sighed, no longer affected by her oddness. "What do you want?"

The blonde didn't mean to sound rude, he mean it literally. She just smiled. She then set herself onto his bed.

"I know this isn't the right time to tell you at all, but I love you." She confessed. Armin certainly awoke instantly.

"H-huh?!"

"I'm not expecting an 'I love you back.' It's just that, I've never said it to you before. Ever." Y/N sadly smiled. He didn't say anything. He was too shocked. He didn't expect to wake up and have her tell him that she's always loved him, or whatever! Point is, he doesn't know what to say.

She cupped his face, which was when he finally reacted. He gently placed his hands over hers as she leaned in and placed a gentle kiss on his lips. He tried to kiss back, but the it only lasted a few seconds.

When they pulled apart, they just spent a short amount of time staring into each other's eyes, though it felt like hours.

"I love you too."

-

Y/N waited until her boyfriend was asleep. She wrote a letter to him before kissing him on the forehead. "I love you. I always have and I always will," she whispered.

The H/C-ette then continued to leave his room through the same window she entered by. She refused to look back, feeling as if she did, she would turn back.

-

When Armin finally woke up again, he noticed the emptiness of the bed. He rubbed his eyes and ran his hand up to push back his hair.

He sat up, feeling an illogical emptiness in his heart. He then placed his hand on his nightstand, feeling around for his lamp. He turned it on and felt a piece of paper crumple under his fingers.

He picked it up and sat. He then unfolded it before reading it.

"It's selfish of me to tell you that I love you before doing what I have to. You will never understand, but this part is for the best, no matter how painful it may be. It's not just for you or I, I am doing this for everyone. Mikasa, Eren, Jean, Sasha, Connie, Christa, Ymir, and everyone else you and I both know. They could all be harmed due to me talking to you. It's a risk I am not comfortable with taking. I'm sorry if this will hurt, but just remember that this is just for a better outcome.
♡ Y/N L/N"

When Armin finished reading it, his eyes widened. He threw the covers off of him. While getting out of the bed, he pretty much fell onto the floor and took off. When he made it to the front door, he grabbed his shoes and just put them half on, not even bothering to tie them.

He ran out the front door. He ran as fast as he could to across town. The rich part of town.

He didn't stop, no matter how badly his sides hurt, or his legs, or even his lungs and heart. He wouldn't stop running.

When he finally got to the L/N residence, he persistently rang the doorbell to the gate. When nobody answered the gate, he noticed how wide the bars were. It would probably fit a teenage girl between them, or a kid...

The blonde didn't hesitate to slip in between them and keep on running to the front door. He tried the door handle first, which was surprisingly unlocked. Way too convenient for him, something was definitely wrong.

He didn't bother to close the door. He ran straight up the stairs and followed the sound of a female voice, along with his memory.

He turned the corner, seeing a sight he tragically anticipated.

"Y/N... please wake up, sweetie," his eyes widened at M/N's sorrowful voice, "We're all going to miss you..."

He stood in the doorway. Inside the room stood Celine on the phone her mouth being covered with her hand. In front of her feet was a pinkish, yellowish liquid with discolored chunks in it. Next to her was B/N, hands on a fist and sweat, or perhaps tears, on his face. In the middle of it all was Y/N's mother holding her close and crying.

Beside Y/N's hanging arm was a knife. The ends of the silver weapon- no, most of the silver weapon- was covered in a crimson red.

The short boy realized that he was still holding onto the letter. He looked at it once more and this time, he noticed that in the corner it had an arrow and said, "flip".

He turned it over to the back side.

"A very long time ago, you taught me how to make decisions for myself. All of my suicides has been my own decision. Make sure my father knows that you're not to blame."