Love is complicated, isn't it? Well, I didn't expect it to be easy, nobody does. I forced myself to date, to convince myself I was normal, that was a bad idea. I feel, wrong. Like, its a shadow looming over every relationship I have, not that they've been very successful. I want to help my partners, but it's hard to deal with when its all we do. She'll vent about her problems and we kiss. Repeat, repeat, repeat. That isn't what I want. I want to talk about your interests, talk about your happy moments and memories. I want to be there for you, but I am not just a punching bag you get to use and reward for standing strong. I am not strong anymore. Im just a crutch you lean on, but I am about to break.
you're different though, aren't you?
Always happy, keeping closed doors when you know it will be too much. I am a lot to handle, I know i've upset you, but I want to make it up to you. You mean so much to me, and you're complicated. A girl across the pond. A girl on the other side of the nation. A girl I can rely on. A girl I can trust, and a girl I have fallen for.
You mean so much, yet I know so little.
I want to wake up beside you, I want to make you breakfast in bed, look out our window over a group of trees. Drive down the street, top open in the heat, and cuddle next to a fire in the cold. Be with you until the inevitable end.
but i'm not the one you want, am i?
YOU ARE READING
Once a Lemon Boy
Non-FictionTo be honest, this is mainly a vent journal. Let me open up my life to you. Living through childhood as someone who is trans can be rough, and i'm just here to document my experience. Male to Female
