university | lrh

43 - home

Elise Halder
————

I'm stuck between panicking, and wondering; who needs college, anyways?

You do, idiot.

The thought was scrapped as fast as it came—for I was well aware that the idea of dropping out altogether was absolutely out of the question. But transferring—it seemed like my only viable option.

Am I overreacting? Maybe. Do I have it all wrong? Possibly. But am I going to continue to do what I do best, that being stressing myself out in threat of the worst possible scenario? Yes.

I'm pretty sure I'm not being dramatic, though. If anything, I feel wholeheartedly justified in the way my chest hurts and my heart pounds mercifully. It's a physical ache I'm feeling, something tight in my throat that's keeping me from breathing right.

In a sense, it feels like any luck Luke and I once had has run out. If our relationship were an hourglass, the last grain of sand would've just dropped onto the others—in a way that screams 'times up'. I can feel myself physically cringe at the thought, my body recoiling at the mere idea of this being the end.

But it must be. There's simply no reason for me to think this could go anywhere but south.

"Fucking hell," The boy I recognized as Cole had muttered, stepping into my line of vision. "Guess I gotta be the fucking hero today," He huffed, holding a hand out to where I sat against the wall.

I had frowned at him then, glancing from his outstretched hand to his face, even more confused when I saw a breathless Cassie behind him. "Can you just take my hand so I don't look like a fucking douche?" He deadpanned, gesturing to his arm.

Hesitantly, I took it, and I let him pull me up to stand. I hadn't expected any of this, from hearing Sidney's voice mingled with Luke's, to somehow having the unlikely duo of Cole and Cassie find me slumped in defeat next to Luke's door.

But nothing in my life had gone as expected since I'd been here, so I really shouldn't have been so surprised.

"I—" Cassie panted, glaring at the boy. "Cannot believe you made me run here."

"Do you ever stop complaining?" He glanced back at her.

"No."

He rolled his eyes, ignoring her completely as he stepped right up to the door, pausing to press his ear against the wood. "Fuck," He muttered, turning to me with a frown. "What did you hear?"

In the midst of all this, I was tired. I was simply so tired of the hoops Luke and I were constantly jumping through to make this work. I knew where I stood—hopelessly in love with him, that is—but after this, I don't know how much more Luke was willing to take.

Was I worth it to him? Or would his life be far easier, and better, without me in the middle of it?

I didn't know at this point; all I knew was that I probably needed to enroll somewhere else.

"Enough." I mumbled, averting my eyes.

Cole sighed, mostly in annoyance, and I couldn't blame him. "Fuck me," he rolled his head back, muttering to himself. "How is this my life right now?"

At this, Cassie sent a sharp punch to his arm, only for him to scowl at her as he rubbed the spot. "Do you ever stop complaining?" Cassie mocked him, throwing air quotes up for good measure.

"Shut up," He scoffed, running a hand through his hair with a indignant huff. "Alright, here's what's gonna happen," his tone was sterner then as he looked from Cassie to me. "You, are gonna wait outside," I frowned when he turned to Cassie. "And you, are gonna go with her."