Ashton's POV:
It's been a day since that "incident" with Luke and Kirsten. I wasn't surprised that one of the boys had taken an interest in her. She was beautiful and that was for damn sure. But that didn't mean that it didn't bother me when I found out he asked her out. If one of the boys could do it, then why wouldn't some other guy do it as well? I was jealous to say the least. I knew Kirsten would never lie to me, though, so I trusted her when she told me that she informed Luke that she was in a relationship. I just didn't know what he'd think when he found out that guy in a relationship with her was, well... me.
At the moment we're on a plane to Manhattan for our first little show, so it'll be a long flight. Talking to Kirsten about us and telling the boys about us seemed like a good idea. "Hey, can we talk?" I asked her. She nodded as I sat down in the empty seat next to her.
"What's up?" She kept a low voice so that nobody could hear us.
"I was hoping we could talk about our... current situation." I explained.
"Yeah that seems like a good idea. I've uh... I've actually been thinking about it." I rose an eyebrow.
"Really? What about?" I asked, curious.
"Well... I was thinking maybe we should just be... friends. I... I don't want to just be friends with you, Ash. But we still just met, you know? Maybe we're rushing into a relationship too fast. Maybe if we see how it is living in close quarters and experiencing each other as friends first, then we'll know for sure that this is gonna work out and that we want this to be a thing..." she said quietly and articulately. A sudden sadness washed over me. I really just wanted her to be with me. I wanted us to work right away. In a perfect world, we would work right off the bat. But no world is perfect.
"I wanna punch myself for saying it but you're right... you're very right. But I mean... as long as I get to be around you as much as possible, then I guess I'm happy." She smiled sadly. I could tell she hadn't wanted to say any of what she did. But she knew it was right to.
"I love us... so much, Ash. But after a while of making sure that we're the ones for each other, then it'll be different. And... Ash?" She asked. I looked to her. "If you... if you want to date around... I won't stop you. You deserve to see if there's someone else out there for you. Someone that could be more perfect for you than me. I just... I just want to see you be happy." She explained, refusing to meet my eyes. I shook my head and grabbed her hand.
"Kirsten I-" she stopped me, though.
"No, Ashton. Please. Just let it happen if it does." She said softly.
"I... Okay. I'm not gonna go looking for it, though." I said. I knew I wouldn't be going out with anybody else. I knew I would end up with Kirsten in the end. She's what made me truly happy. She was perfect. Even trying to get me to find happiness with someone else, that was amazing. She wasn't all about herself. She was about making everyone else happy. "I expect you to do the same too then." She looked at me.
"Ashton, I can't ju-"
"No. If you're letting me do that, then you should be able to as well. Okay?" She bit her lip. I could tell she was having a hard time forming the words to agree to me. She didn't want to just as much as I didn't want to. It'd kill her to see me with someone else and I was feeling exactly the same.
"Fine..." She said simply.
"No matter what happens, though. You'll always be my best friend. And I... I'll always uh... I'll always be there for you. Alright?" I didn't want to say that. I wanted to tell her how I really felt. I couldn't, though. Not now. It wasn't the time. And I really didn't want to scare her off.
"Right back at you, Ash." She smiled. God I didn't want to be just friends... there are so many things that could happen. What if one of the other guys asks her out?! Luke was cocky enough to do it, why wouldn't Calum. Thankfully, Michael is engaged, but gosh... everything could go wrong. Maybe I could just like... always be with her? To prevent it... no no, I can't do that. If Kirsten actually finds someone else that's perfect for her then all I'd be doing was preventing her from living her life to the fullest. I'd just be selfish doing that. I can't do that to her. I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I did.
I gave Kirsten's hand a squeeze, making a smirk appear on her face and then I got up to return to my seat. I sat down, next to Calum. "Hey, man. Everything good?" He asked, not really caring what my answer was. I let out a small sigh, sinking into my seat.
"Yeah yeah, totally fine." I answered.
"I was thinking of asking Kirsten out, you know? Do you think she'd go for me?" He asked, sparking conversation. On the inside, I wanted to stab him in the eyes. But I decided to keep a straight face instead of blowing up on him.
"Maybe. I dunno, bro. Little weird." I said hiding my shaky voice. Of course this would happen right after I speak to her. Right after I tell her that she should also see other people. I rolled my eyes.
"Could be good, though. Being in a relationship with someone and having them be with you all the time. You know since she works with us and all. It'd be sick if it were to work out." Works with.... all this time I've been saying that she works for me... why did I say that to her? I'm not her boss, I'm here co-worker. We're equal. Why would I... I screwed up.
"I think I'm gonna take a nap, Cal. Sorry to cut you short, man but I'm exhausted." I said. Calum nodded and put his headphones on.
"Yeah nah, it's fine. We've gotta long flight anyhow." And then I fell asleep, with even more regret than I already felt.
