university | lrh

42 - move on

"Because this is stupid," she huffs. "This thing between us—"

"There's no thing between us." I deadpan.

"You know what I mean, Luke." She mutters, shaking her head.

"You know what?" I scoff, crossing my arms over my chest and hardening my gaze on her. "I actually don't fucking know anything. I don't know why you're here, I don't know what your game is, and I definitely don't know why I should listen to a single thing you say."

"I'm trying to tell you," she groans, looking like she's refraining from rolling her eyes. "If you'd stop being so goddamn stubborn and just listen—"

"Can you fucking blame me, Sidney?" I grit, years of unreleased anger finding its way into my voice. "It's been years since you left. Fucking years. And now, when I'm finally fucking happy, you're back?"

"Luke—"

"So excuse me if I'm having trouble trusting you." I cut her off, any sympathy she thought I might've had for the sadness on her face being out of the question.

Though, it does surprise me that she holds some type of emotion in her eyes. She looks a little surprised, too, pursing her lips and pausing before she speaks, quieter, now.

"You're happy?"

I blink at her, finding it odd that she chose to latch onto those specific words of mine. In truth, I hadn't even thought about it before I said it; it just tumbled out like it needed to be said.

Probably because it's the truth. And it has been since I first walked into this classroom, months ago.

"I am," I don't know why I choose to tell her this, and I don't know why exactly I keep going. "I wasn't for a long time, but I am."

Sidney doesn't say anything for a long while, and I don't bother to fill the silence. I can't distinguish her expression—something along the lines of confusion. Regret, maybe.

"Luke, I'm not—" she pauses, shaking her head the smallest bit. "I'm not trying to take that away from you. That's not—"

"Then what?" I frown. "If you aren't here to make my life hell again, why do you keep coming back?" It's a fair question, and my voice simply comes out tired.

I'm tired of the stress I'm under, I'm tired of the looming sense of dread and uncertainty I hold for my future with Elise, and I'm fucking tired of girls like Sidney and guys like Cade coming between us.

For any other girl, it might've been too much. And for any other guy, it might've been more work than it's worth.

But I couldn't quit on this even if I wanted to. I'm in too deep—far too deep and far too in love to back out now, or anytime for that matter. The only thing keeping me sane is the hope that Elise feels the same, that she loves me enough to be patient, to get through it.

"I care about you."

I flinch. I actually, fully, involuntarily flinch at her words. "How could you say that?" I mutter, shaking my head.

"Because it's true," she sounds like she's pleading with me, and I just don't get it. She's closer now, sighing and slumping the smallest bit. "It's always been true. I know...I know I fucked up—"

"Do you?" I look up at her, brows pulling together in frustration. "Do you really know what you did to me?"

She winces. "Yes—"