Louder Than Love || Chris Cornell

If It Sits Upon Your Tongue

"Well... I don't know... there's something that's been bothering me for a bit but... I could be reading way too much into it..." I trail off as I close my planner and a little more silence between us takes over.
"Go on..." Kim encourages.

"Well... I don't even know how to bring this up and I don't want to sound paranoid or anything... but Axl has been really weird with me... like flirting but not in a way I'm comfortable with.... like... I don't know how to explain it," I confess.

"Have you said anything to Chris?" Kim asks.

"Not really"

"Then you gotta tell him," Kim says.
"Well I know but I don't want to start a fight, or make it weird... I don't know... I never told him about Eddie and even tho-"
"Wait, what? What happened with Eddie?" Kim cuts me off and I realize that I said a little too much.

Shit.

"Ok... when I was going though the stuff with my mom, when Chris and I were apart, and I was confused and shit.... I met Eddie before Chris ever introduced him to me but I didn't know it was Eddie-Eddie... if that makes sense?"
"Uh huh," Kim says gesturing me to keep going.
"So while I was stupid and shutting out Chris, I started to hang out with Eddie a few times, nothing serious, just friends like... whatever right?" I say quietly and Kim nods.

"There was one time Eddie and I were hanging out, we grabbed some food... no big deal... totally innocent... just friends. Eddie walked me home and when he was about to say goodbye to me, he kissed me," I say as I look at Kim.
"Ok," Kim says still not getting it.
"No I mean, like kissed me-kissed me,"
"Oh," Kim says flatly.
"I stopped the kiss obviously... " I trail off as Kim looks away thinking for a moment.

"At that point I hadn't even mentioned anything about Chris to Eddie so Eddie had no idea. Then when Chris and I got back together, I never mentioned anything to Chris about Eddie cause... I don't know... like I said, I was stupid and confused..."
"Andi, don't say that," Kim says.
"Well... I felt that way... anyways, I never told Chris and when Chris finally officially introduced me to Eddie after we had made up and everything... we just played it off like we just met for the first time, which was the night at The Moore Theatre like a year ago. Eddie has never told Chris and neither have I, cause... it was nothing," I explain.
"Nothing else happened between you and Eddie?"
"No, Nothing else... but now I feel like the same thing is about to happen with Axl this time. Like, Axl is super extra flirty with me and it's... I don't know,"
"Andi you gotta tell him," Kim says.

"I know... I... I was just so messed up when I found out my mother was dying. I just didn't want to feel it anymore... you know? It's even worse now that she's gone... I try to keep it together... and not think about it... I can't sleep and I keep having weird dreams... that are like, so vivid... and I don't want to think about how much I miss her..." I confess even more as I look down at my planner and play with the clasp.

"Have you told him that?" Kim asks.
"No..."
"Andi..." Kim gives me a look
"I know... but I can't..." I say still looking down at my planner.
"You're telling me right now though," Kim says.
"Yea..." I say and trail off thinking about how much Kim is right.

"If I know Chris... and trust me I do... He's gonna understand... of all people he will understand.... you just gotta let it out or it's gonna eat at you... and I wouldn't want to see anything happen to you two. I mean let's fucking face it, you two are made for each other," Kim chuckles a little and I look up at him and smirk.

"I have never seen him fight for anyone like the way he did to get you back... He wrote a fucking song about you... a few actually... like, he never did that before, not even with Susan," Kim says and takes another drag of his smoke.